Seaside Dreams (Love in Bloom: Seaside Summers, Book One) Page 9
“No. You make me want to be naughty,” he teased.
“Oh.” She hooked her finger in his jeans, trying to remember how to breathe.
“You’re torturous,” he said. He took her finger from his waistband and turned back to the books. “Books. Focus.” He slid his eyes toward her, and she licked her lips. “Christ, Bella.”
That was too fun of a reaction not to do it again.
He snagged her hand and hurried down to the lower level. Her pulse quickened as they wound their way through two aisles of books and he cornered her against the bathroom door. She loved this game of cat and mouse, and when he pressed his hips to hers and she felt his desire, she couldn’t help but hook her finger in his waistband again. He glanced up at the security camera in the corner of the room, and when their eyes connected again, a streak of lust spiraled through to her core. He tangled his hands in her hair and kissed her like he was a soldier who’d just come home from the war.
“I…This…” He scrubbed his face with his hand and turned away. It was all she could do to watch him close his eyes for a breath, then turn back, looking as hot and flustered as she felt. Through gritted teeth and a harsh whisper, he said, “I don’t want just hot sex with you, Bella.”
She felt playful, and seeing him so flustered sent a thrill through her. “So you are a fetish guy.”
His eyes darkened and narrowed, pinning her to the door. “No. I want hand holding and talking and whatever the heck else people do to get to know each other. I want to cook you dinner and watch stupid movies that make you cry.”
Her heart melted a little. She wanted all those things, too, but she knew if she opened her mouth, she’d deflect his words with something stupid like, I don’t cry. She didn’t want to deflect Caden.
He ran his fingers along her cheek, then through her hair as he brushed it away from her face. His hand came to rest on the back of her neck.
“I want the other stuff—the hot sex—too,” he admitted with a tender gaze.
That made them both laugh.
She forced herself to push past the deflection that came so easily. “Me too.”
He pressed a kiss to her forehead, sealing their sentiments.
They left the bookstore forty minutes later with two books about computers, so he could get a feel for Evan’s hobby, and a novel she’d wanted to read. When they got in the truck, he handed her a pink bookmark with a lacy ribbon on the end.
“I thought you might need this for your book.”
“Thank you.” She ran the ribbon over her fingers. He’d given her two pink things in less than two hours. No one, not even her friends from Seaside, bought her pink things, and they knew she loved pink, but they also knew that the Bella she presented to everyone else in the world wasn’t a girlie girl. She’d left that Bella behind ages ago—at least publicly. She looked down at her dress. Until now. She wondered what it was about Caden that made her feel safe enough to bring out a part of herself that she’d hidden for so long.
She studied him as he drove around the corner to the harbor and parked by the pier. He seemed very aware. Aware of her, aware of everything around them, the other cars on the road, people walking down the sidewalk. She assumed that came with being a police officer—and a father—and it made her feel a different type of safe than the safety she felt with regard to being herself.
Caden turned off the truck and leaned across the seat. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re beautiful when you’re contemplating?”
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re handsome when you’re…being?”
He shook his head. “For a woman who doesn’t date and doesn’t want a commitment, you sure say things that seem girlfriendy.”
Oh boy.
“Huh.” Girlfriendy. She made a mental note to calm her comments as she watched him come around and open her door. Girlfriendy. He reached for her hand, and she shifted in the seat and pulled him in close so they were nose to nose.
“Girlfriendy should not be in our vocabulary. It’s like dating. Got it?”
“Is that the toughest voice you’ve got?” He pressed his lips to hers. “Because I’m not buying it.”
She wasn’t buying it either. She liked being with him too much, and she was about as good at hiding it as a leopard was at hiding its spots. Behind Caden, the sun was setting, casting reflections of the boats on the still-as-glass water in the harbor. Peaceful would describe the scene for most people, but the way Bella was swooning, romance-inducing seemed more fitting.
She stepped from the truck, and Caden draped his arm over her shoulder. She snuggled right in before she realized that it was too easy for them both.
“Excuse me.” Bella looked up at him with a tease in her eyes. “That is very boyfriendy.”
“I’m calling your bluff. So smile and put your damn arm around me.”
“That whole take-charge thing is pretty sexy.” She slid her arm around his back and hooked her thumb into the waistband of his jeans.
“Babe, I’m pulling out all the stops. Full-on picnic tables for dinner and plastic wineglasses. You’ll fall so hard for me you’ll be wishing you met me ten years ago.”
I already do.
Chapter Eight
BELLA COULDN’T REMEMBER ever being out with a man when everything they did, everything they talked about, every glance, every touch, felt so right. True to his word, they’d eaten dinner on a cloth-covered picnic table using plastic utensils and plastic wineglasses—and Bella felt as though she were the richest, and the luckiest, woman in the world. What Caden hadn’t told Bella ahead of time was where he was taking her after dinner. They climbed the metal stairs to the top of the South Wellfleet fire tower. The higher they climbed, the chillier it became. Bella’s heart was beating so fast, she clutched the railings to keep herself grounded. She couldn’t believe he’d gotten permission for them to climb the tower she’d been practically drooling over for so many years. This was her ultimate rule-breaking moment, and she loved that they were doing it together, even though he had permission to take her up to the top, so she wasn’t technically breaking a rule. It was still thrilling after so many years of anticipation.
She stood in the room at the top with her back against Caden’s warm body, his arms circling her waist, and gazed out over Wellfleet, wishing they could stay there all night.
“Do you know how many years I’ve dreamed of coming up here?” Bella leaned back against his chest. The view was more spectacular than she’d ever dreamed. The tips of tall pines gave way to the moonlit bay. Just down the road, the grassy mounds snaked through the ink-black water of the marsh, looking ominous and hazy. Though she couldn’t see the ocean, she knew it was in the opposite direction, just beyond the darkness.
“How many years?” Caden kissed her cheek.
“It feels like my whole life. How did you make this happen?”
He pressed his cheek to hers. “Pulled a favor from a friend.”
He kissed the spot below her ear and guided her down to the floor. She sat between his legs with her back against his chest, gazing up at the stars. The breeze sent goose bumps up Bella’s limbs, but Caden’s warmth enveloped her.
“Do you mind if I take a picture of us?” He pulled out his cell phone and held it at arm’s length.
“Not as long as you text me a copy.” She smiled and he clicked the picture.
“I’ve had a really good time tonight.” Bella traced a muscle on his forearm with her index finger.
“Me too. I think it’s the best not-a-date I’ve ever had.” He tightened his arms around her.
Not-a-date. This was definitely not not-a-date, but admitting that would send her right down a road that opened her up to either getting hurt or not being able to make clear decisions. The realization worried her just enough to tuck it away. She wanted to—had to—stick to her guns about figuring her life out before getting involved in a real relationship.
This feels real.
Very real.
She suppressed the urge to admit just that and forced herself to use that energy toward getting to know him better. If she had hopes of one day allowing the feelings blooming between them to flower—after her life was figured out and she was settled—she needed to understand who he was, the bad and the good.
“Can I ask you a personal question without ruining the romantic vibe we have going on?” Bella asked.
“I’ll tell you what. How about you ask and we’ll see how it goes? I can’t imagine what you could ask that could change how amazing it feels to be with you.”
She turned sideways, curling her legs up against his thigh. She ran her finger down his chest. “I love how open you are with me, but if you’d rather not talk about this, I would understand.”
He kissed her lips. “I have nothing to hide.”
“Okay.” She lowered her voice with the sensitive question. “What was it like raising Evan when you were so young?”
“That’s the scary question? I’ve been asked that question a lot over the years, and I usually give an answer that won’t lead to more questions, like, Amazing, or Totally worth it.”
Bella felt his heart beating calm and even. He gazed up at the stars, and when his eyes met hers again, she sensed his honesty before the words even left his lips.
“When I showed up at my parents’ house that first night, I was so full of love and hurt that I’m not sure I was able to even think clearly. Or maybe I was thinking clearly for the first time in my life. If you want to know if I ever questioned my decision to raise him, the answer is no. Not even at the most difficult times.”
“How did your parents handle it?”
“My parents…” He paused, and a smile warmed his eyes. “They were looking at their twenty-year-old son and their grandchild. How do you think they reacted? They were scared shitless about me leaving college and thrilled about this little baby boy that was a part of me. A part of our family.”
Bella shifted in his arms, and finally his eyes met hers—warm, loving, and without regret. Like him.
“They tried to convince me to go back to school. They even offered to raise Evan, but there was no part of me that wanted to go back to that life. It was as if the minute Evan was mine, all that drinking and partying was from another lifetime altogether.”
“They say that the love you have for a child is unlike love you have for any other.”
“Without a doubt. That was true in my case. My father has always been a strong influence in my life. He’s the kind of man who always—always—does the right thing.” A soft laugh slipped from his lips. “He taught me to hunt and fish, and he taught me to value friendships over nonsense. Everything he did, it seemed, held a lesson about responsibility, and the way he was—is—with my mother was like a silent lesson in love.” He shrugged. “Anyway, I had their support, and it made everything a little easier.”
They talked for a while longer about his parents and raising Evan. Bella had hoped the conversation might naturally lead to Evan’s mother, and when it didn’t, it made her even more curious. She pressed her hands to his chest, and when he leaned forward and kissed her, she almost let the subject go.
“What?” he asked softly.
She knitted her brows together, trying to figure out how she had already become transparent to him, just as when he ran his finger down her cheek and asked her again, she knew there was nothing she couldn’t ask him.
“You said you were full of love and full of hurt.”
His mouth twitched, and he lowered his forehead to hers and closed his eyes.
“I was,” he admitted.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, and kissed his forehead as he’d kissed hers.
“It was a tough time.” He inhaled deeply, and when he spoke again, his eyes never wavered from hers. He clearly had nothing to hide.
“I thought I loved Caty, Evan’s mom, but the moment I held Evan in my arms, the love I felt for him was overwhelming. I knew that second that I didn’t love Caty. And even though I knew that, it still hurt when she left. The hurt for myself was little more than momentary. But the pain I felt for what Evan would experience, having been abandoned by his mother, once he was old enough to understand, was anything but momentary. I worried day and night about how it might affect him. The truth is, I still worry about that.”
“Do you think it’s worth trying to get in touch with her to see if they can build a relationship now?”
His lips curved into a smile, and he pressed another kiss to her lips. “You’re a thoughtful person, Bella, and I love that about you. I think most women would find the mother of my child a threat.”
“This isn’t about me. This is about Evan and what’s best for him.”
“I know it is, which is why you’re so remarkable.” He paused long enough for those words to sink in. “I haven’t seen Caty since she left Evan with me. He’s gone through stages of wanting to know about his mother, and I tracked her down and opened the door for her to get to know him, but it’s like she’s wiped that slate clean.”
“I can’t imagine a woman leaving a child behind like that, but I guess we never know what’s going on in a person’s head. She probably had reasons that were valid in her mind.”
“There you go again.” He ran his finger along her bare shoulder. “It would be easy to jump into a diatribe about how awful of a person she is, but you didn’t go there. I don’t go there either, even though, when Evan was younger, the pain over not having a mother would sometimes bring him to tears.” He paused, and in his eyes, Bella saw him struggling with what she assumed were memories. “It’s a little selfish to say this, but in a way she did Evan a favor. I think it would have been worse for him to be raised by someone who didn’t truly love him, or resented him, than to be given a chance to be loved completely without that kind of stress in the house. It probably sounds weird, but I think it took a lot of courage to do what she did.”
Bella pressed her cheek to his chest, her palm flat over his heart. Now who’s the remarkable one?
Caden wrapped her in his arms again. “There’s something else you should know, Bella, since we’re being so honest on our not-a-date. Even though she didn’t love me, and even though she has been absent for so many years, if she ever wanted to see Evan, or if Evan wanted to track her down himself, I would never stand in their way. I love him too much to do that.”
He lifted her chin and gazed lovingly into her eyes. “But no matter how she might have changed, or what she had to say, I could never love her. I’ve learned over the years what love feels like, and it’s either there or it’s not. It was never there with her. She was an infatuation. It was love at first sight with Evan, and that love was so powerful that I knew if I ever fell in love with a woman, I’d know it the minute I met her.”
He lowered his mouth to hers, quieting the voices in her head and answering her unspoken questions.
“Caden,” she whispered against his lips.
“Hmm?”
Thank you for being honest. Thank you for coming into my life. This is the best date ever. I’m falling for you hook, line, and sinker.
“Thanks for pulling out all the stops.”
CADEN PARKED AT Bella’s cottage and they walked across the quad hand in hand. They’d turned a corner tonight, and he’d been seconds away from admitting that he’d known he loved her the first moment their eyes connected. He’d had to kiss her to keep the words from tumbling out for fear of scaring her off. She didn’t have to tell him that she had the same intense feelings for him as he did for her. Like with his parents, it was as present as the air they breathed. He had a sense that he had to be careful with Bella. That as strong as she liked everyone to believe she was, her heart was fragile.
Bella stopped short of Jamie’s cottage. “I almost forgot to tell you that when I was at Nauset High today, walking outside with the principal, she told me that troublesome kids hung around the back field of the school, by the woods.”
“Troublesome?�
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“She seems like a gossipmonger, so I wouldn’t get overly concerned. She said they jaywalked. I mean, that’s hardly troublesome, but I wanted you to know. You know, you’re a cop, so maybe you guys need to know that stuff? I don’t know.”
“You’re too cute.”
“Hardly. Maybe it’s worth mentioning that area by the woods to Evan for when he goes back to school.”
Caden glanced at Jamie’s cottage, thinking about Evan and what he’d said about reading the crime report and loving that Bella was thinking about him, too. “I’ll mention it to him.”
Bella leaned in close and whispered, “I jaywalk all the time.” He heard a cottage door open, and Bella placed her index finger over her lips. “Shh.”
Pepper, Leanna’s fluffy white Labradoodle, bounded toward them from around the corner of her cottage. Bella knelt to love him up. Pepper barked and licked so excitedly that he tumbled onto his back.
“What are we shushing?” Leanna peered over the railing of her deck.
“Leanna! You’re back.” Bella smiled up at her. “I was telling Caden not to tell anyone that I jaywalk.”
“Now you’re corrupting an officer of the law?” Kurt appeared behind Leanna. “How’s it going, Caden? I heard the two of you were out on a date.”
At Kurt’s voice, Pepper ran back onto the deck. Kurt looked down at the pup. “Hey, buddy. Hold on a sec.”
“Nice to see you again, Kurt, but uh…we’re not exactly dating.” God, it sucked to say that.
Kurt and Leanna exchange a confused look. “Oh, sorry. I thought Tony said you were out on a date.”
Bella hooked her finger in his pocket. “Some things don’t need labels.”
He couldn’t have said it better himself.
“Hey, we’re thinking about chartering a boat and going deep-sea fishing next Tuesday. Do you guys want to go?” Kurt asked. “I think most of the community is going.”
“That sounds great.” Bella turned hopeful eyes to Caden. “Can you and Evan make it?”