Seaside Secrets Page 6

  He’d stayed up until she’d returned to her cottage, as he always did. He had to know she was safe. Would that need ever subside? Would he ever be able to stay at his cottage again when she and the girls were skinny-dipping in the pool and not listen for her giggle as she walked by on her way to her cottage? He pictured her sweet smile and her green eyes, alit with happiness, which seemed to follow him everywhere. He thought of their group barbecues in the quad, the grassy area between the cottages. Ames, can you grab some ketchup from my place? They’d always been comfortable in each other’s homes, and now that would all change. It was changing already.

  Was she going to take the job and move to Australia? He’d been there, of course. Bells Beach was one of the great point breaks, located south of the Victorian coastline of Australia. The last time he’d been there, he’d called Amy before his competition. He did that often. As often as he said his silent mantra before the ride. This one’s for you, Ames. There was a time he used to say that to her out loud. When they were teenagers and he’d run into the surf to catch a wave. Even before that summer they’d come together, she’d watched him with wide eyes that made him feel special. Like he was her whole world. Every damn time he ran into the surf, it was for her. Now that world he adored was crumbling down around him. When he’d seen her last night, he’d wanted to scoop her into his arms and tell her he’d lied, that he’d never loved her as just a friend, and the last thing he wanted was for her to go to Australia.

  But that wouldn’t have been fair, and he hoped to hell that the waves would do what they always did—help him forget. Everything. Her smile, her touch. Her sweet laugh. The way her eyes crinkled around the corners when that smile was genuine and the way her deep green eyes held his gaze for a beat longer than they needed to.

  The wave hit the underside of his board, and the familiar sense of exhilaration and greed swept through him. The power of the water traveled up his legs to his core, testing his strength, fighting his balance, but he was Tony Black. He was one with the ocean. He harnessed the magnificent energy of the swell, and there was only him and the sea. He craved the challenge of the waves, the newness and complexity of each one. He longed for its intensity. Anticipation tortured his body as momentum grew, tensing and easing. He was lost in the moment, and when that wave hit, it was over way too fast, leaving him temporarily sated but always craving more.

  “Hot damn!” He rode the whitewater, the ridge of turbulence and foam after the break.

  He lowered himself to his board and paddled back out, barely taking time to catch his breath. He’d achieved what he needed, a clearer head, but one glance at the empty dunes sent his thoughts spiraling right back to where they were the happiest: drenched in images of Amy.

  An hour later he dragged himself from the water feeling invigorated, slightly numb, and still frustrated. He had to talk to her. He had to mend the friendship they both depended on. He set his board in the sand, and as he stripped his wet suit from his limbs, he decided he’d do just that.

  “Hey, asshat.”

  Tony turned at the sound of Bella’s angry voice. She, Jenna, and Leanna were dressed in their typical attire, short sundresses over bathing suits. Bella stomped across the sand, hands fisted, an angry scowl on her face. If looks could kill, he’d be dead two times over by now. Jenna and Leanna had serious looks on their faces, but they were more tentative, as if they were there to ensure that Bella didn’t take things too far. Shit.

  He tossed his wet suit onto his board and faced the firing squad. “Ladies.”

  “Don’t you ladies us. What did you say to Amy?” Bella was tall; she came almost to Tony’s chin and stood as near as the close talkers Seinfeld hated.

  Tony held his ground and her steady gaze. “That I loved her like a friend.”

  She pushed his chest. “You’re an asshat. What else did you tell her?”

  “Bella, chill out.” Jenna touched her arm and Bella shrugged her off.

  “I will not chill out.” Bella poked Tony in the chest. “You are a total, complete idiot. She’s moving to Australia because you told her to. Do you even know who you’re talking about? Do you care at all?”

  Her eyes dampened, and Tony opened his mouth to respond, but she beat him to it.

  “This is Amy. Not Leanna, who can pick up and go anywhere, anytime, without blinking an eye. Sweet, trusting Amy. Stable, consistent Amy. She worked to build her business for seven years, meticulously building a rapport with each and every client, nurturing relationships as if they were her very best friends. And now she’s giving all that up because you are too scared to tell her that you love her. What the fuck, Tony?” She was breathing so hard her face was red.

  “Bella—”

  “No. Don’t Bella me. I’ve been here, remember? All these summers I’ve watched you care for her, hold her fucking hair back when she pukes. What the hell, Tony? What. The. Hell?”

  Tony scrubbed his hand down his face. As if self-torture wasn’t enough. He didn’t need this shit, even if she was right. “Goddamn it, Bella. What do you want me to do? Amy is good and sweet and, goddamn it, she deserves a guy way better than me.”

  “Bullshit.”

  Leanna stepped between them. Her dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and her dress had streaks of red jam on it, as most of her clothing did. “Tony, what are you talking about? She adores you.”

  “Yeah, no shit. I’m not blind, Leanna.” Just stupid.

  “So why did you tell her to go to Australia?” Leanna’s tone softened.

  Tony shook his head. He wanted to have this conversation with Amy, not them. Fuck it. Who was he kidding? They were a package deal. Everyone in the whole damn complex was, and he loved them for it. He just hated being in the center of this shit, knowing he was the cause of it.

  He blew out a breath and clenched his jaw a few times to gain control of his emotions. “Because it’s a great opportunity for her, and she deserves it.” There was no way in hell he was going to tell them shit before he told Amy. He’d already decided he needed to clear the air with her. That’s what he intended to do, but first he had to get them off his back.

  “Look, Amy’s a big girl. She can make decisions for herself. I know you care about her, but you can’t bully me into doing anything, Bella.”

  Bella plunked herself down on his beach chair. “Fuck you.”

  “Bella.” Jenna touched her shoulder, and Bella shrugged her off again.

  “Bella, look.” Tony crouched beside her. “I’ve got a lot of shit to deal with in my own head, all right? You can hate me, and if I were you, I’d probably tell me to fuck off. But you gotta know one thing if you know me at all. Hurting Amy is not something I ever wanted to do.”

  “Tony,” Jenna said. “Are you sure this is what you want? If you are, well, you are. We care about you and we’ll respect your decision. But if you’re not, you’re about to lose a woman who really loves you.”

  I think I already have.

  AMY SPENT THE afternoon at Duck Harbor, reading a romance novel. She didn’t care that the sun had long ago set, or that she had goose bumps all over her body. She was lost in the love of two fictional people, which was a heck of a lot better than thinking about her own broken heart. She decided to revel in the fictional world for a while longer. What did she have to rush home to? There was a barbecue tonight in the quad, and she knew exactly how that would go, didn’t she? She’d gotten a nice little preview of things to come at the hotel. The girls loved her and they loved Tony, but their loyalty to her was thick as tar. Sticky, mucky tar that she counted on to pull her through. But the thought of them being mad at Tony for not wanting her made her a little queasy. She knew Tony’s friendships with the girls were treasured as much as hers was. She didn’t want to be the cause of trouble between any of them.

  She was also clued in to herself to realize that she sure as heck wasn’t experienced enough in love to figure it all out on her own. Her heart knew and loved Tony. Beyond that, not much made
sense. Would she ever be able to tuck away those feelings and allow another man to replace him? She wasn’t sure, but she had to go back to her cottage and face the music. Tony and the girls were her friends, and she needed to fix things between them.

  On her way back to Seaside, she stopped at the Wellfleet Market to pick up wine, chicken for the barbecue, and to check out the new books they had on the shelves. She read through each title, but she’d sort of had her fill of romance for the day, and mysteries were too intense. She was more a romance or literary-fiction girl. But today even literary fiction wasn’t piquing her interest. She didn’t want to read about anything too heavy. She turned toward the register and spotted a rack of greeting cards. She loved cards. A cute picture and a few words could change someone’s whole day. Maybe she’d find something funny for the girls and surprise them with it. She turned the rack away from the birthday section and read a few of the Girlfriend cards. Ugh. The cards were all about men and relationships. Couldn’t she escape that for just one day? Her friends had guys. Perfect, romantic, loving guys who would do anything for them.

  She gave the rack another spin and plucked a card from the thin wire shelf. There was a picture of a little boy and girl sitting on a stoop; the boy was whispering in the girl’s ear. Cute. She flipped it open and read the inscription. My life’s just better with you in it. She shoved it back in the rack and tried to block the thoughts of Tony that stupid card conjured up. She should have known better than to pick it up. She snagged a card that had a picture of a bottle of wine and an unattractive man on the front and flipped it open. Drink up. He’ll look good by the time you finish.

  When had greeting cards become so lame? She nixed the card idea, and her eyes caught on a little surfboard key chain hanging from a display next to the card rack. She unhooked it from the display and ran her fingers over the inscription, #1 Surfer Dude. She felt herself smile and then chided herself for thinking of Tony.

  Yeah, right. Don’t think of Tony. Like that has a chance of happening.

  She took the key chain and her other groceries and headed for the cashier.

  The barbecue was in full swing when she arrived at Seaside. The bonfire was lit, Tony, Kurt, and Bella were manning the barbecue on Leanna’s deck, and Pete and Caden were carrying a table from Bella and Caden’s deck into the quad. Jenna and Bella followed, each carrying a deck chair. Leanna was on her way up from the pool, walking Pepper along the side of the road. Within seconds of Amy reaching her driveway, Jenna, Leanna, and Bella were there to greet her.

  “We’ve been wondering when you’d get here.” Bella took the grocery bag from Amy’s arms while Amy grabbed her beach bag and towel from the trunk.

  “I told you I was going to Duck Harbor to chill.” Amy willed herself not to turn around and look at Tony. She hurried up the steps to her cottage with the girls following behind her.

  “Have you talked to Tony?” Jenna asked as they walked inside.

  “No, why?” Did he say something? As quickly as the thought formed, she pushed it away.

  “Just wondering.” Jenna emptied Amy’s groceries while Amy went to hang her beach towel over the railing of her deck. Okay, so maybe it was an excuse to get a glimpse of Tony. She was only human. He lived in his board shorts, and sweet mother of hot and sexy, did he fill them out nicely. Tonight he was wearing a gray tank top, giving Amy a lovely view of his bulging biceps and his sculpted lats.

  Had he thought about her at all today? Or was she alone in her agony?

  “Hey, honey.” Leanna joined her on the deck. “You okay? Jenna wanted to know if that chicken was for tonight.”

  Amy shook her head to clear the lust from her brain. “Yeah, I’m good.”

  “Is this going to be too awkward? We can eat here if you want. Let the guys eat together over there.”

  “No, Lea, it’s okay. I want to talk to Tony and clear the air.” She stole one more glance at him just as he looked over his shoulder. Their eyes connected, and for a brief second Amy’s mind tried to go down the maybe tonight trail again...And then she remembered. There was never going to be a tonight in that sense for them.

  She held his gaze, unable to look away. She knew Tony well enough to read the clench of his jaw. Worry. The widening of his eyes. You want to tell me something. And then he lifted his chin, his lips quirked up in a semi-smile, and he raised his hand and waved, confusing and elating her all at once.

  “Aren’t you going to wave?” Leanna whispered.

  Amy felt herself swallowing past the thickening in her throat. She told her arm to move, but it didn’t budge. Her body had betrayed her enough times by now that she was getting used to it. She forced a shaky, nervous, are we okay smile that earned her a furrowed brow and a nod from Tony.

  She breathed a little easier. Maybe she could survive the summer with their friendship intact. It might not be what she’d hoped for, but it was better than nothing.

  Amy went back inside with Leanna. “I need to shower. Can you guys take the chicken over for me?” She went into her bedroom to grab clean clothes and called out to them, “Don’t forget the teriyaki sauce. The one Tony likes is on the door of the fridge.” She clutched her clothes to her chest. “Fudgenuggets.”

  Bella stuck her head in the bedroom. “Fudgenuggets?”

  Amy rolled her eyes. “I need to stop thinking about him.”

  Bella handed her a glass of wine. “Here. This will help.”

  Amy sucked the wine down in one gulp. “I think I’m gonna need the whole bottle.”

  BY TEN O’CLOCK Kurt and Leanna had already called it a night. Tony sat on the bench beside Amy in their usual spot, only he didn’t put his arm around her. He wanted to, ached to, had to fight the urge not to, but she’d been acting distant all evening, and he didn’t want to cause any more of a fissure between them by overstepping his own very clearly defined boundaries.

  “We’re going into Chatham tomorrow.” Bella snuggled in closer to Caden, and it magnified the emptiness beneath Tony’s arm—the spot where Amy should have been. “Anyone want to join us?”

  Jenna rested her head on Peter’s shoulder. “Pete? We could go to the Chatham Pier Fish Market and pick up lobsters for dinner.”

  “Whatever you want, babe. I’ve got to work on the boat at some point, but if we take two cars, I can head home around two and you can hang with Bella if you want.” Pete was refitting a thirty-foot Bristol sailboat. He kissed Jenna’s cheek and whispered something in her ear, causing her to giggle.

  The fire crackled in the breeze. Amy folded her arms across her belly and curled her legs beneath her. “I was thinking about hitting the beach tomorrow. It’s supposed to be eighty and sunny.” She shifted again beside Tony and pulled her sweatshirt down over her knees.

  “I’m hitting the surf early tomorrow, but thanks, Bella.” Tony saw Amy’s arms press in to her body with a shiver. He gave in to his feelings and did what he would have done if they’d never had the love-you-like-a-friend conversation. He pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around hers. She stiffened against him and it felt like a kick to the gut, but he didn’t relent. He held her until she gave in and at least some of the tension in her shoulders eased.

  A few minutes later Bella and Jenna pulled Caden and Pete to their feet.

  “We’re calling it a night,” Jenna said with a mischievous grin aimed at Pete.

  “Us too,” Bella said.

  “We’ll catch you tomorrow, man,” Caden said to Tony.

  “Sure thing.” Tony felt Amy lean forward. “Stay,” he whispered to her, and damn if her body didn’t tense up again. He had to clear the air and save their friendship. He might not be able to be the man she needed, but he sure as hell could be a friend. Even if it killed him.

  After the others left, Tony sat with Amy, trying to figure out how to break the uncomfortable silence that had settled in around them like an unwanted guest.

  “I have to go.” Amy moved from under his arm.

  “Don’
t you want to talk about this?” He held her steady gaze as emotions washed over her face. Worry filled her eyes, then morphed to sadness, drawing her lips downward. Her eyes followed.

  “I’m sorry, Amy. I never wanted to hurt you.”

  Amy lifted cold eyes to him. Her mouth closed tight. But her determined mask faded fast, unlike the night in her hotel room, when it had threatened to slaughter him. She was putting on a brave face, and he respected her for it, but of all times, did she have to pick this moment to be strong? He’d selfishly hoped that she’d look at him like she used to and maybe his resolve would melt.

  “You did me a favor.” She rose to her feet. “God, Tony. I could have spent the next ten years pining over you.” She laughed, a sad little laugh that drove his pain even deeper.

  A favor. That’s exactly what he had thought he was doing when he’d told her to take the job, but now he wasn’t so sure. Was he doing himself a favor by making her move so far away that a relationship would be impossible? She might be out of sight, but Amy Maples was never far from his mind. Why did it take the threat of her leaving the country for him to realize how much he didn’t want to lose her?

  “Would it have been so bad to keep liking me?” he said lightly. He rose and draped an arm over her shoulder, intending to walk her home.

  She shrugged him off and took a step away. “Honestly? Yeah, probably.”

  “I’m sorry.” He reached for her hand. “I’ll walk you home.”

  “It’s okay. I need to get used to this.” She shoved her hands in her pockets and headed across the grassy quad toward her cottage.

  He almost wished she’d had too much to drink so he could carry her back to her cottage and put her to bed. How was it possible to miss someone who was right there in front of him? And how could it hurt so much? It hadn’t exactly been easy all these years to keep his feelings for Amy at bay, but it had been doable. He’d dated enough women to satisfy his carnal needs, and Amy had always been right there during the summers, across the gravel road. The possibility of her not being there was beginning to settle in, and it felt wrong and painful.