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  “I wasn’t pulling anything.”

  He stepped closer, his eyes boring into her with so many emotions she could drown in them. Hurt and confusion gnawed at her. He must have noticed, because regret rose in his eyes, and he ground out a curse.

  “Damn it, Serena. Can we just fucking talk without you bolting?”

  “Fine!” she shouted. “You’ve got two minutes.” Before I start crying.

  “You are my best friend, my partner in crime. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you.”

  She squared her shoulders as a tear slipped down her cheek. She swiped at it and said, “Here’s a fun fact for you. You failed. Epically.”

  He shifted his eyes away, gritting his teeth, and when he looked at her again, the raw torment in his gaze cut straight to her heart.

  “I’m truly sorry, Serena,” he said in a softer tone. He lifted his hand as if he was going to reach for her. He must have thought better of it, because he pulled it back and said, “Don’t let my stupidity ruin our relationship.”

  “Friendship,” she clarified. “Why did you do it? Do you have any idea what kind of slap in the face it was for you to do that to me for a second time?”

  “I wasn’t thinking. No, that’s a lie.” His voice escalated. “All I ever do is think about you. Why do you think I didn’t kiss you when we were teenagers?”

  “Because you wanted faster, hotter, older girls,” she said without hesitation.

  He scoffed. “Seriously? No. Wrong. Because I was about to go off to college, and you were just starting to…You were only…” He turned away and ground out, “Fuck.”

  “Only…?”

  “Fourteen or fifteen,” he said angrily. “I know it sounds like I wanted older girls, but it wasn’t just our age difference. It was everything. I was going to college, and you were on the cusp of figuring out who you were as a person. I didn’t want to take those experiences away from you for what could have only ended badly. You’d have wanted a guy who was there for you, for Friday nights, parties. Prom. And I was a stupid kid going off to college. I would have hurt you without trying. Gotten drunk, made a mistake. Everyone that age fucks up, and I couldn’t do that to you.”

  “You’re saying you did it to protect me?” She needn’t have asked, because she knew it was true. That’s who he was and how he did things, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

  “And maybe protect myself?” he said with so much honesty, it hurt to hear. “Our lives were about to move in totally different directions.”

  Realization dawned on her. “Like now?” She tried to swallow past the emotions thickening her throat, but it was like trying to choke down a golf ball.

  “Of course like now,” he seethed. “Our timing sucks. When you started working here, we were finally both adults, on equal ground, only we weren’t. I had achieved what I wanted, and you were right there for me, by my side, helping me. But you rightfully made it clear that you were only here temporarily. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me because of that? Not that I’m complaining, because I don’t hold any of this against you in any way, but you need to know it wasn’t easy working beside you, having everything I wanted except the part of you that would have made us real.”

  She could barely breathe, afraid to trust her ability to decipher his words.

  “But you were biding your time before moving on to bigger, better things, as you should have been,” he clarified. “I want you to succeed. I want your dreams to come true and for you to know that all your efforts to parent yourself, to work your fingers to the bone for a prom dress, school books, and tuition weren’t for nothing.”

  He paced in front of the window, the truth burning like acid.

  “I have feelings for you, Serena. You must have known that,” he finally said. “But I’ll never be the kind of selfish man who puts you in a position to choose between work and a relationship. You struggled, working your ass off your whole life for this type of opportunity. If we had kissed, there would be no holding back for me, and you’d be left wondering what if you had stayed in a job you didn’t really want. And then you’d regret it and probably resent me. The worst thing I can imagine is seeing that in your eyes day after day, knowing I had the power to change it and was too selfish to do so.”

  She felt her heart slicing down the middle.

  “So, yeah, I fucked up twice by almost kissing you,” he said apologetically. “But I realized my mistake, and I hope it’s not too late to salvage our friendship.”

  She didn’t even know how to respond and stood dumbfounded, swiping at her tears. Even with his feelings for her, he was playing the part of her protector, and the worst part about it was that he was right. Every damn thing he said was probably what would have happened if they had kissed—all those years ago, or last night.

  “I’m sorry, Serena.” He gently touched her arm, his voice thick with regret. “What can I do to make it up to you?”

  “Nothing. I’m fine.” Just an idiot. “I’d better go.” She stumbled toward the door in a haze. “I’ll write this stuff up and have it on your desk in the morning.”

  Chapter Five

  SERENA STARED ABSENTLY at the chocolate chip pancakes on her plate Friday morning, listening to the girls laughing at Emery’s ridiculous yoga jokes. This was Serena’s last breakfast with her friends before she moved. They’d helped her pack last night, and she’d been so upset over what had happened with Drake, she’d refused to talk about her new job at all. If she talked about work, her mind raced right back to him, and she was afraid she’d tell them everything. Packing had taken only two hours, but the girls had hung out on the patio with her until almost two o’clock in the morning. By the time they’d gone home, she was feeling a little better.

  Then came the silence.

  And the sight of her life boxed up and ready to move.

  She’d thought she might hear from Drake, but he hadn’t reached out. Reality had crashed down on her again, bringing with it more tears. She wasn’t sure which was worse. Wondering if he’d never felt the heat between them, or knowing he’d chosen not to act on it, regardless of his reasons.

  “Are we allowed to talk about work today?” Mira asked carefully, bringing Serena’s mind back to the present.

  “Sure,” she said blandly. She could handle a conversation about work, couldn’t she? Soon the guys would be back from their run and Violet would come barging in with her racy comments, and the world would be right again.

  Except her world was too upside down to ever feel right again. She knew she’d have to get used to a new normal.

  Ugh. New normal.

  The term made her feel like a divorced woman.

  “Do you think the guys will hire someone today?” Mira said.

  “Are you kidding? I thought this was going to be easy. I’ve brought in six people I thought were perfect, but according to Drake, they were either too young, not strong enough communicators, or maybe they just breathed too heavy. Who knows.” Serena sighed, remembering how thankful she’d been that she’d found so many qualified candidates so quickly and how deflated she’d felt after Drake had interviewed each one. “You know the daughter of the lady who runs the mini golf in Orleans?”

  “Diane?” Chloe set down her juice glass. “Her grandmother lives at LOCAL. I see her all the time.”

  Chloe rarely joined them for breakfast, but Serena was glad she was there today.

  “Hagen loves Diane. Matt takes him there on the weekends when I’m working.” Mira worked for Matt’s father at their family’s hardware store. “If Diane is there, she always gives him free ice cream.”

  “Her daughter Daphne moved back to Eastham last fall from Wilmington, North Carolina, where she ran a small resort like Bayside. She’d gone through a divorce after having her little girl and wanted to be closer to her family. It must have been a bad divorce, because she changed her name back to Zablonski. Anyway, she’s been working for Ocean Edge Resort in Brewster, and she doesn’t like h
ow big and impersonal it is, so Diane gave her my name. She’s ideal for the job, but Drake said she would probably get overwhelmed.” Serena rolled her eyes. “She worked at Ocean Edge, only the biggest, most glamorous resort on the Cape. That place has way more rooms and cottages than we do. She was unflappable. I think he’s making it difficult on purpose. But that doesn’t make sense, because he’s never been like that.”

  Although he’d broken her heart last night, he’d been completely honest with her, and as much as she hated it, it still didn’t warrant what she’d implied.

  “You’re right,” Mira said. “It doesn’t make sense. It’s not his style to make things hard on others. He’s a fixer. Remember how he stepped in after our dad died and helped with everything?”

  Serena felt a stab of sadness. She and Mira had been thirteen when Mr. Savage had fallen overboard during a freak storm and was lost at sea. Rick was fourteen, and Drake had been almost sixteen. It had been a treacherous time for all of them, as Mr. Savage had been like a father to Serena and Chloe. At an age when other kids were out causing trouble and thinking only of themselves, Drake had been focused on making sure everyone else was okay. Including Serena.

  “I remember sleeping over at your house shortly after your father died,” Serena said. “We were bawling, and Drake came in to comfort us. He dragged us outside—”

  “Because everything is easier under the stars,” Mira and Chloe said at the same time Serena did.

  “I forgot you were there,” Serena said to Chloe. Although Chloe was Rick’s age and she was close with Mira’s family, she’d always had her own group of friends.

  “I didn’t sleep over,” Chloe said. “I had been out at a party that night and saw you guys in the yard when I was coming home, remember?”

  “I remember now.”

  “Drake’s just going to miss you,” Desiree said. “At least that’s what Rick said. He said even Drake doesn’t realize how much he’ll miss you.”

  “I’m going to miss him, too. If I don’t kill him before I leave.” Serena turned toward the dunes so her friends wouldn’t see her sadness.

  The rumble of Violet’s motorcycle drew their attention. Violet pulled off her helmet and shook out her long black hair. She tucked her helmet beneath her arm and crossed the lawn toward them.

  Emery leaned forward, lowering her voice, and said, “Where has she been this morning?”

  “She didn’t come home last night,” Desiree said quietly.

  “Really? Who was she with?” Serena asked. Violet’s mysterious life outside of the inn had always intrigued Serena.

  “No idea,” Desiree said. “But she never tells me anything about her personal life.”

  “What’s the matter?” Violet said as she approached. “You’re looking at me like I’m a unicorn.”

  “Nothing,” Desiree said. “Want some pancakes?”

  Violet picked up a pancake from the plate in the middle of the table and bit into it. “Thanks.”

  “I think I know why he’s having trouble replacing you, Serena,” Mira said.

  “Are you still pondering Drake?” Violet asked as she pulled out a chair and sat down. “For smart women, you girls sure are dense. He’s a guy. He wants to fuck her. Is that so hard to understand?”

  “Violet!” Desiree snapped.

  Serena’s cheeks burned. She couldn’t tell them that he’d pretty much admitted to that last night or that it was never going to happen. It suddenly felt too personal—and embarrassing.

  “Even if it’s true, can you please temper it, Vi?” Mira said exasperatingly. “He’s still my brother, and I have a different theory. If you take the friendship out of the equation and think about it purely from an employer’s standpoint, he’s worked with Serena for so many years; he probably just doesn’t want to lose her.”

  “Maybe,” Violet said. “But he still wants to take her six ways to Sunday.”

  “Ohmygod,” Serena said, covering her face.

  Ignoring Violet’s comment, Mira said, “Serena, you’re an amazing multitasker and you do the job of two people, so part of him probably does worry that someone else might get overwhelmed. Any boss would feel the same way. You guys have become seriously symbiotic on every level. That’s hard to find in a friend, much less an employer-employee relationship. Like me and Matt’s dad at the hardware store. And you’re never in a bad mood, which is amazing considering you have to put up with my brothers.”

  “I’d like to challenge that statement,” Chloe chimed in. “My little sister can be one bitchy mama.”

  “Shut up!” Serena knocked Chloe with her shoulder. “Don’t let Chloe’s sharp clothes and sweet pixie haircut fool you. She may be elegant, but beneath that polished exterior are the fangs of a viper and the claws of a wolverine.”

  “Psst!” Chloe made clawing motions with her hands, and they all laughed. “I’m not that bad. But feel free to tell that hot surf instructor of yours that I’m spicy! That man has got a body that won’t quit.”

  “Brody Brewer?” Serena couldn’t hide her shock. “Are you kidding? You always go for suit and tie guys. Brody acts like he’s forever twenty-one. I’m not sure he’ll ever grow up.”

  Serena spotted the guys jogging up the path toward the inn. Matt was with them today, and they were all shirtless, their bodies glistening from their efforts. Drake’s eyes locked on hers, sending her emotions reeling. She was vaguely aware of the girls talking, but she was captivated by his serious expression, like he was trying to keep his emotions in check. But which emotions was the question. Was he struggling to be friendly? Or was he fighting to keep from letting their attraction get the better of him?

  They jogged into the yard, and Drake looked away from Serena.

  “Hey, gorgeous.” Matt bent and kissed Mira’s cheek, then her burgeoning belly. “Hello, baby.”

  Serena’s heart would have melted if it weren’t beating so hard she thought she might pass out. Drake pulled his phone from his pocket and focused on that, while Rick and Dean kissed their fiancées and sat down beside them.

  “Suit and tie guys are great,” Chloe said, and it took a second for Serena to realize she was responding to her earlier comment. “But every once in a while you’ve got to cut loose with a boy toy.”

  “Cut loose? We like ties,” Emery said, snuggling up to Dean while eyeing Serena.

  Oh Lord, please let me evaporate into thin air.

  “Whoa. What conversation did we walk into?” Rick asked.

  Drake grabbed a glass of water and guzzled it down, pacing instead of sitting down. Violet reached for another pancake, her gaze moving between Drake and Serena.

  “I disagree about the cutting-loose thing,” Mira said, reaching for Matt’s hand. “From my experience, one ex-professor is better than any boy toy could ever be.”

  Violet dramatically sniffed the air, and all eyes turned on her. “Do you guys smell that?”

  Everyone sniffed.

  “What?” Dean asked. “I don’t smell anything except Emery’s sweetness.”

  “Nope. Not that.” Violet walked behind Serena and sniffed the air. Then she moved toward Drake and did the same. “Yup. That’s the distinct scent of sexual tension.”

  All eyes turned to Serena and Drake.

  Drake looked like he was chewing on glass.

  He shifted his gaze to Serena, and she searched for a hint of a joke or a shred of happiness to hold on to. In her eyes, he would always be the perfect mix of shirt-and-tie guy and sexy, fun boy toy. But when he ground out a curse and stormed out of the yard, she knew she’d never experience either one, and she wondered if their friendship could ever recover.

  AFTER AN EMOTIONALLY grueling day, Serena gathered her things, taking the cards she’d bought for each of her bosses out of her purse. The office was too quiet. Rick and Dean had left for a meeting, promising to see her at her goodbye party at Undercover later. Drake had gotten a call from someone named Sterling and had left when she was on the phone witho
ut so much as a goodbye. She had no idea if he still planned to drive her to the party—or if he’d show up at the party at all for that matter. He’d managed to avoid her for most of the day, except for brief interactions after each interview, when he’d shake his head, shrug, and mumble an excuse for why the applicant wasn’t right for the job.

  She left Rick’s and Dean’s cards on their desks, and her stomach knotted as she went into Drake’s office, remembering the first day she’d joined them. They hadn’t even set up desks yet. Drake lived upstairs from the office, and his apartment had been as bare as the office. She’d quickly remedied both. She’d known how much Drake missed his father, and he’d told her many times that he felt closest to him on the water. For that reason, she’d decorated the office and Drake’s apartment in rich woods with nautical undercurrents throughout.

  Clutching the envelope, she headed upstairs to his apartment. It had been a struggle to keep her emotions in check when she’d helped decorate his apartment, wondering if she was choosing sheets and pictures for other women to enjoy. But she’d never actually seen Drake bring any women home. She knew he dated, but as far as she knew, he’d never been a player or the type of guy to hook up with random women. She hadn’t thought about that too much recently, because Drake had made it clear that she was only a friend, but now, knowing what she did, she wondered about his personal life. Was her impression of him skewed by wishful thinking?

  She’d dated a few guys over the past four years, but they’d all left her wanting something more. Only she didn’t know what more was. It was like an itch she couldn’t scratch. Had Drake had his itches scratched? Had women spent the night at his apartment and he’d been careful to shoo them out before she arrived at work?

  She ran her fingers over the blue envelope, tracing the white rope and anchor over the hard ridges of the key to his apartment she’d put inside. Why hadn’t he ever asked for it back? She opened the old-fashioned mail slot on the door and hesitated. This might be it. Our final goodbye before I leave town.