Crushing on Love (The Bradens of Peaceful Harbor, Book Four) Read online

  “Hey,” she said. “You look like you’ve disappeared into some far-off land.”

  “Nope. Right here with you.” He didn’t understand how anyone could stand in this forest and not lose himself in the beauty of it.

  “What about crowdfunding?” She stepped over a large branch, and he grabbed her arm, steadying her.

  “Crowd whatting?”

  “Crowdfunding. Surely you’ve heard of it. It’s when you list a project online and promote it to groups who you think will want to take part in the effort.” She moved around the thicket, searching the ground. “Lots of little donations can equate to a massive amount of money. I read about a family who raised two hundred thousand dollars for their daughter’s surgery. Crowdfunding is used for everything from buying a car and making a music video to buying property or taking care of bills after accidents or when someone falls on hard times.”

  “Online begging. No thank you.”

  She glared at him. “It’s not like that. People don’t see it that way. They want to help.”

  “I didn’t take you for naive, city girl.”

  “If by naive you mean not thinking the worst about others, then I guess you would consider me naive. There are good people out there. Like the connections you already reached out to.”

  “Those are people I know and trust. They aren’t strangers.”

  “So you only trust people you’ve met?” She took a step behind the thicket and stopped short. She held her finger over her lips and pointed to a kit—a baby fox—peeking its fuzzy little head out from the base of a hollow tree. Her shoulders rose, and she shivered with excitement. She had no idea what her gleeful reaction did to him. This was nature’s foreplay at its best.

  They watched the kit peek its head out, then disappear into the dark den. A few seconds later two kits poked their heads out. Their fur had already begun turning russet behind their ears and on their legs. The rest was gray with patches of white around their beady dark eyes.

  Shannon squeezed Steve’s hand and mouthed, “Oh my God! So cute!”

  They were cute little critters, all right, but not half as cute as she was, bouncing on her toes behind the thicket. They watched the kits poking their heads out, sniffing the air, then ducking back into the den. As darkness fell over them, they left as quietly as they could, though the foxes returned to the den the moment they moved.

  Shannon clung to his arm as they made their way down the dark mountain.

  “Did you see how cute they were? What do you think, eight or nine weeks old? I wonder how many kits there are. They start going out with the vixen—the mother—around five weeks for short forays. They’re already eating solid foods. If we can find a few more sites, we can figure out the best places to watch them from.”

  She spoke so fast, he wondered if she realized she’d said we.

  “Did you know the gray vixens have eight nipples and the red only have six? That’s interesting to me. Isn’t it to you?” She didn’t pause for a response, and that was just fine with Steve. There was nothing she could tell him about the animals he didn’t already know, but he enjoyed listening to her. “They’re monogamous, too. For life. Did you know that? Of course you knew that. Did they use that same den last year? Do you know? Are we heading to another den now?”

  She launched into another one-sided discussion about how humans could take a lesson in monogamy from foxes, and she didn’t show any signs of slowing down. He knew he had to take her down the mountain for her date, but for a split second he debated not bringing it up and allowing her to get so lost in her excitement that time would slip by, her date forgotten. But Will was his friend, and it was a selfish thought. One that could lead only to hurting both Will and Shannon, which was why he stopped walking and gently touched her face to draw her attention.

  Her sparkling eyes met his, the corners of her mouth curled up. “I’m sorry. I’m rambling.”

  She was so beautiful, with the moonlight at her back and that sweet, excited look in her eyes. How would he survive the night knowing she was in Will’s arms?

  “You’re excited,” he said, intensely aware of her hand on his forearm and how close they were standing. “There’s a difference between being excited and rambling.”

  “You’re just saying that to be nice.” She lowered her gaze, and her hair fell forward, hiding her face.

  He tucked a lock behind her ear so he could see her more clearly. When she lifted her eyes, gone was the excitement, replaced with a darker, more alluring look. Her fingers curled tighter around his arm. The urge to lean down and kiss her was so strong, his muscles burned against his restraint. He didn’t do casual sex, and he knew there would be nothing casual about being buried deep inside Shannon. She stroked something dark and deep inside him. Something no one else ever had. Every minute with Shannon was a battle of self-control, and he was hanging on by a thread. If he kissed her, touched her, let himself do the things he wanted to with her, his feelings would only magnify. He knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, there would be nothing left to hold on to. Nothing to keep his head on straight. Nothing to protect his heart—or hers.

  She licked her lips, chipping away at his resolve. He ground his teeth together, struggling to rein it back in.

  “Shannon,” he managed.

  They both stepped closer, their thighs brushing. This was wrong. She had a date, and he’d agreed to bring her to his friend. But he could feel desire rolling off of her, and like a moth to a flame, he couldn’t pull away. He didn’t want to pull away. As he reached for her, her words came back to him. I’m not like you. I need people.

  The thought sent the gears in his mind churning again, and he reluctantly stepped back. “It’s getting dark.”

  She stepped forward. “Yes.”

  Her whisper sounded more like an invitation than an agreement about the sun’s rapid departure, and hell if he didn’t want to accept. But he’d never be the type of guy she needed. This couldn’t go anywhere, and he was already teetering on a precarious edge. It took every ounce of his willpower to do the right thing.

  “We should head back. You have a date.” He took another step away, and she grabbed his arm, keeping him in place.

  She looked at him through long, thick lashes and said, “I canceled it.”

  STEVE’S FOREHEAD WRINKLED in confusion, and the conflicted look in his eyes made Shannon’s pulse race even more than their close proximity was causing.

  “Why would you do that?”

  Definitely not the response she’d hoped for.

  “Because I didn’t want to go out with him. I never even agreed to it. He assumed I wanted to go, and you just sat there like you didn’t give a darn one way or another.”

  He wrenched his arm free. “I wish you hadn’t done that. Will’s a nice guy. He would have treated you well and you would have had a good time.”

  “You didn’t hear what I said. I didn’t want to go.”

  He looked at her with the pained expression she’d seen earlier when Will had made the comment about Steve not working with his father. He ran a hand through his hair and turned away. Had she totally misread him? Had he honestly been messing with her all day?

  “We should get going,” he said gruffly.

  “Wait.” Needing answers, she reached for his hand, and he stilled. “Did you really want me to go out with him?”

  He didn’t steal his hand away, but his serious expression sent a chill down her back.

  “What I want doesn’t matter.”

  Doesn’t matter? “I don’t understand. You’ve been hot and cold all day. One minute you’re sucking my finger, the next you’re telling me to go out with your friend. I have no idea where you stand.”

  “Where I stand?” He stepped closer. “Where I stand is right here on this mountain. Where I’ll always stand.”

  She crossed her arms against the sting of rejection. “Come on, Steve. We’ve been playing this game since Rex and Jade’s wedding, which was months ago.”

/>   “I don’t play games,” he said sharply.

  She lifted her chin, meeting his gaze. “Then what do you call it? You took my cupcake, for God’s sake, and whether you want to admit it or not, you definitely have been flirting with me.”

  “Why does it have to be called anything?” He turned away and ran his hand through his hair again. She realized it was a nervous habit. If he was nervous, that had to mean something.

  “It doesn’t, but…”

  He turned toward her again. “But?”

  “But…I don’t know. Now I feel foolish for bringing it up.”

  His gaze softened and he grumbled a curse. “Well, don’t feel foolish, for Christ’s sake. I do like you.” He reached for her hand and tugged her closer. “But I also respect you.”

  “But…?”

  “We’re saying that word a lot, aren’t we?” His lips curved up in a smile. “But you’re a social butterfly, and I like my solitary life. It doesn’t matter if I like you, or if I find you insanely sexy. Nothing can come of it, so it’s better if we don’t torture ourselves with it.”

  She stepped closer and slipped her finger into the waistband of his pants. “You find me insanely sexy?”

  “Shannon,” he warned, and put his hand on hers to move it from his waist, but she curled her finger tighter.

  “That’s why you wanted me to go out with Will, isn’t it? So I wouldn’t want to go out with you? Or so I would be off-limits?”

  He didn’t respond, but his hand tightened around hers.

  “So you wouldn’t want me?” She closed the sliver of space between them. “Because you’d never hit on your friend’s girlfriend. That’s not who Steve Johnson is.”

  “For the record, your being with Will wouldn’t stop me from wanting you. It would piss me off, but at least I’d know I didn’t hold you back.”

  “From?”

  “From the life you want. The life you deserve.” His face went hard, tense. “Stop this, Shannon. This can’t happen.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it can’t go anywhere.”

  She heard the words. She even processed them, and she didn’t do flings, but her heart was so full of Steve, not one ounce of her wanted to give up the chance to get closer to him.

  “Do all relationships have to go somewhere?” It was a stupid question, because she knew everyone wasn’t looking for a lifelong commitment, but she didn’t care about everyone. She cared about him.

  He closed his eyes for a second, and when he opened them, she saw a renewed struggle.

  “You’re asking the wrong guy.” He dropped his gaze from her eyes to her mouth, and his entire body seemed to rise and expand. He grimaced, and just when she was sure he was going to turn away, his arm circled her waist and he tugged her against him.

  Heat surged through her with his conflicting messages. He was looking at her like he wanted to devour her, but he gritted his teeth like she was the enemy. Breathing hard, her nerves tingling like pinpricks, she forced through her fear of being turned away and tried one last time to entice him over to the dark side.

  “So,” she said shakily. “Let me get this straight. You’re attracted to me, but since we like different things, we can’t”—she licked her lips, feeling his body flex against her—“kiss?”

  His lips parted and his eyes narrowed.

  “We can’t”—she pressed her hand to his chest—“touch?”

  “Shannon,” he said gruffly. “I’m trying to do the right thing.”

  How come every guy she wanted to do the right thing inevitably did the wrong thing—like he was doing now?

  “You think you’re trying to do the right thing, but your definitions are mixed up, Grizz. The way you’re holding me? That is the right thing.” She held his gaze, their bodies instinctively moving closer. His long fingers splayed across her back, searing heat through her shirt.

  “Damn it, Shannon. Don’t you get it?” He pressed his cheek to hers, his whiskers scratching her skin as his hot breath rolled over her ear. “It’s not wrong. Not by any stretch of the imagination.”

  He touched his lips to her cheek, and she closed her eyes. His lips brushed along her jaw, over her lips. His hips pressed forward, every hard inch of him sinking into her.

  “Feel what you do to me with nothing more than your voice, a single touch, your sexy-as-hell eyes.”

  She couldn’t respond, could barely think past the feel of his hands on her body, the power and frustration in his voice. Lord help her, because she wanted to feel that power wrapped around her.

  “You know I want to lay you down right here and memorize every sweet curve of your body. I want to taste your pleasures, waylay your fears, discover your vulnerabilities, your secret pleasure points.” His lips brushed over hers again, along her cheek, to her other ear. “Even when we’re not together, all I can think about is what it would be like to be inside you.”

  Yes, yes, yes. Oh Lord, yes.

  He drew back, and she opened her eyes. Her knees weakened at the desire welling in his eyes. Then his hands left her body, and she heard herself whimper. He placed his hands on her cheeks, angling her head up so she had no choice but to give him her full attention. And boy, did he have it. Every inch of her body was waiting for his kiss.

  “You have no idea how much I want you. I had no idea how much I’ve wanted you. I’ve been trying to deny it, but I’ve wanted you since Jade’s wedding.”

  Hope soared within her.

  He brushed his thumb over her lips. “God, I love that sassy mouth of yours. But in a few weeks you’ll go back to your real life, and I’ll still be right here on this mountain.” He paused, and his words settled in like lead. “Sorry, Butterfly, but I’m not that selfish.”

  He laced his fingers with hers and led her away from the spot where she’d been sure they were going to share their first kiss. The spot where she’d left her legs, her hope, and a piece of her heart.

  Neither one spoke for a long time. When her brain began to function, anger replaced disbelief. She couldn’t take the silence anymore and said, “That’s it?”

  “Pretty much.” He lifted their joined hands as she stepped over a rock.

  “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re kind of a jerk.”

  He laughed. “I’ve been called much worse.”

  “Seriously, most guys would have been all over me up there.”

  He slowed, clenched his jaw, then continued walking.

  Ugh! “Most guys would see it as a blessing that I’m not going to be a noose around their neck forever.”

  “It should’ve tipped you off that I’m not like most guys when you saw where I live. Besides, if you’re the type of girl who wants to be fucked by a guy who won’t give a shit about you the next morning, then I made the right decision.”

  “What? I’m not…That’s not what I meant.” She shoved a branch out of her way and stomped over a pile of twigs.

  “Maybe you should choose your words more carefully.” He guided her through a nest of cottonwood trees, and she knew they were nearing her cabin. She didn’t want the night to end like this. This was worse than before he’d said anything. At least then she’d still wondered whether he liked her, but now she knew he did—and he was choosing not to act on it.

  “All I meant was, most guys would have at least kissed me.”

  He mumbled something, then said, “You should have gone out with Will and gotten your kisses.”

  “I don’t want to kiss Will. I want to kiss you, dumbass.”

  He stopped short and tugged her against him so hard she smacked into his chest. “You know, it’s amazing you get any guys with all the compliments you dole out.”

  “Doesn’t anything ruffle your feathers?”

  “Yes. A certain mouthy brunette ruffles a hell of a lot more than my feathers.”

  She pressed her lips together and drew upon every ounce of courage she could muster. “Then why won’t you kiss me?”

  He brus
hed the back of his fingers down her cheek, fluid and gentle, but the look in his eyes was rough and possessive. The man was a walking contradiction.

  “Shannon, you are a gorgeous woman,” he said softly. “You’re smart, seductive, and playful in a way that I’m not at all used to and find so freaking hot, you drive me out of my mind.”

  Hope slipped in again, and she dared to hang on to it.

  “But for a girl who thinks she’s got most guys figured out, you haven’t got a clue about this guy.”

  Chapter Five

  IT WAS HELL not popping over to see Steve in the morning, but Shannon needed to get her head on straight about what was, or wasn’t, going on between them. She spent the entire day vacillating between being embarrassed by being blown off and turned on by all the sexy things he’d said. She tried to focus on her research, but her mind kept circling back to being in his arms and the hungry look in his eyes as he’d said those seductive things to her. Hours later, after she’d traipsed over half the mountain collecting data, she still couldn’t make sense of it. But she was a researcher. And damn it, she’d figure him out one way or another.

  By the time she’d finished for the day, she was fit to be tied. There was only one way to make sense of a man she wanted this badly, and that was to let her girlfriends do it for her. Two phone calls and half an hour later she was dressed in her cutest outfit and out the door, heading for Buckley’s, a local bar.

  She hummed as she drove down the narrow mountain road. Do not even glance at his cabin. No looking. Just drive right past.

  Steve’s truck was parked at the end of his driveway with the hood up, and he was bent over, peering into it. Denim stretched across his perfect ass. He rose to his full height as her Jeep neared, and she lost her breath. Why, oh why, did he have to be shirtless? Couldn’t he wear a ski parka? Or even better, full-body armor?

  He sauntered toward the road, and she had no choice but to stop or look like a bitch. He peered into her open window, his eyes drifting to her miniskirt. “Hey there, Butterfly. Where’re you off to looking so pretty?”