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  With Sage’s warning, Dex’s pulse sped up. His mind jumped back again to the last time he’d seen her, four years earlier, when Ellie had called him out of the blue. She’d needed him. He’d thought the pieces of his life had finally fallen back into place. Ellie had come to New York, scared of what, he had no idea, and she’d stayed with him for two days and nights. Dex had fallen right back into the all-consuming, adoring, frustrating vortex that was Ellie Parker. “Yeah, I know. I gotta…” See if that’s really her.

  “Dex?” Regina grabbed his arm.

  He placed his hand gently over her spindly fingers and unfurled them from his wrist. He read the confusion in her narrowed eyes. Regina didn’t know about Ellie Parker. No one knows about Ellie Parker. Except Sage. Sage knows. He glanced over his shoulder at Sage, unable to wrap his mind around the right words.

  “Holy hell,” Sage said. “I’ve gotta take off in a sec anyway. Go, man. Text me when you can.”

  Dex nodded.

  “What am I missing here?” Regina asked, looking between Sage and Dex.

  Regina was protective of Dex in the same way that Siena always had been. They both worried he’d be taken advantage of. In the three years Dex had known Regina, he could count on one hand the number of times he’d approached a woman in front of her, rather than the other way around. It would take Dex two hands to count the number of times he’d been taken advantage of in the past few years, and Regina’s eyes mirrored that reality. Regina didn’t know it, but of all the women in the world, Ellie was probably the one he needed protection from the most.

  He put his hand on her shoulder, feeling her sharp bones against his palm. There had been a time when Dex had wondered if Regina was a heavy drug user. Her lanky body reminded him of strung-out users, but Regina was skinny because she survived on beer, Twizzlers, and chocolate, with the occasional veggie burger thrown in for good measure.

  “Yeah. I think I see an old friend. I’ll catch up with you guys later.” Dex lifted his gaze to Mitch. “Midnight?”

  “Whatever, dude. Don’t let me cock block you.” Mitch laughed.

  “She’s an old…not a…never mind.” My onetime best friend? As he crossed the floor, all the love he felt for her came rushing back. He stopped in the middle of the crowded floor and took a deep breath. It’s really you. In the next breath, his body remembered the heartbreak of the last time he’d seen her. The time he’d never forget. When he’d woken up four years ago and found her gone—no note, no explanation, and no contact since. Just like she’d done once before when they were kids. The sharp, painful memory pierced his swollen heart. He’d tried so hard to forget her, he’d even moved out of the apartment to distance himself from the memories. He should turn away, return to his friends. Ellie would only hurt him again. He was rooted to the floor, his heart tugging him forward, his mind holding him back.

  A couple rose from the booth where Ellie sat, drawing his attention. He hadn’t even noticed them before. God, she looked beautiful. Her face had thinned. Her cheekbones were more pronounced, but her eyes hadn’t changed one bit. When they were younger, she’d fooled almost everyone with a brave face—but never Dex. Dex had seen right through to her heart. Like right now. She stared down at something in her hands with her eyebrows pinched together and her full lips set in a way that brought back memories, hovering somewhere between worried and trying to convince herself everything would be okay.

  Her leg bounced nervously, and he stifled the urge to tell her that no matter what was wrong, it would all be okay. Dex ignored the warnings going off in his mind and followed his heart as he crossed the floor toward Ellie.

  Chapter Two

  NO WAY. NO fucking way did Dina just leave me alone on my first night in the city. Ellie stared at the table. You know how to get to my apartment, right? Just give us an hour; that’s all I ask, Dina had said before handing her an extra key. Great. Dina and a guy she’d known for less than an hour might or might not be having sex while she slept on the couch. I just need to get through the interviews; that’s it. I can do this. Her mind weaved through the tangled afternoon of rushing to Union Station, missing her train and having to wait for the next one. Spending three hours on the train practicing for her interviews before pulling into Penn Station, exhausted and late. She was contemplating ordering a drink—or five—when very definitely male fingers touched her table. Why did they look familiar?

  “Ellie?”

  Ellie sucked in a breath at the sound of his voice. Dex. Oh, God. Dex. Her gaze followed those familiar fingertips to the large hands that had kept her safe when she’d climbed into his window late at night. Her heart remembered, thundering in her chest as her eyes traveled up his sinewy, muscled arms, and she took in all six-foot-something of him, ending at his seductive, midnight-blue eyes. Jesus, they still slayed her.

  “Dexy?” His name came out as one long breath. She needed to stand, to hug him, to say hello, but her body wouldn’t obey. She was frozen in the booth like a wallflower. Ellie was no wallflower, damn it. She closed her eyes for a beat and centered her mind. It’s Dex. Just Dex. The truth was, Dex had never been just Dex. But she knew better than to get too attached to anyone. Even Dex. Especially Dex. Self-preservation was a skill Ellie had honed at a young age.

  Ellie didn’t have time or energy to dwell on the unkindness of her upbringing. She soaked up the good memories, and knowing she was always on the brink of chaos, she swept the bad memories under the carpet with mummified silence and pushed on. No matter how shitty the day appeared—and she’d seen her share of shittiness in her twenty-five years—nothing compared to moving from one foster family to the next, all the while praying her mother would finally find sobriety and do the right thing by her. But her mother had drunk herself to death when Ellie was eight, ending her internal longing for the mother she’d never have. Admitting to the awfulness of her upbringing would be like falling right back into that needy little girl, and she was never going back there.

  Dex ran his hand through his dark hair. He still wore it long on top and a little shorter in the back. And damn if he didn’t have that sexy facial hair thing going on. The hair on his chin was lighter than the hair on top of his head—closer to the color of Ellie’s. Not quite black, not quite dark chocolate. His thick eyebrows and dark lashes still shadowed his eyes, giving him that serious brooding look that had always made her heart skip a beat. God, you’re here. And you’re hot. No. I can’t go there. Shit.

  “I can’t believe you’re here,” he said, sliding into the seat across from her. “It’s been—”

  “Too long.” Ellie cleared her throat to strengthen her voice. She didn’t want to rehash the details of when she’d come to see him four years earlier. She’d fought the painful memories day in and day out, tried to forget the weekend ever happened—Oh, how I tried to forget. But she could no sooner forget a day with Dex, much less the best weekend of her life. She hadn’t even been brave enough to return the few messages he’d left, trying to figure out why she’d gone away. The thought of hearing the pain in his voice was too much. She’d had to leave. She’d had to separate herself from him. Dex was better off without her hanging around his neck like a needy, fucked-up noose.

  She dropped her eyes to the table, barely able to breathe past the guilt of what she’d done. He was right there with her again. He was always there for her—and she was always soaking him in, taking the comfort he had to give. And breaking his beautiful heart. She kept her eyes trained on the table to keep from…what? Begging for forgiveness? Crawling into his arms and telling him how much she loved him? How he’d scared the living shit out of her four years earlier when he’d professed his love for her? Fuck. There was nothing she could say to fix what she’d done, and she was in no position to make up excuses or promise a damned thing, which was why she hadn’t had the courage to call him when she’d decided to return to New York. She’d worried that he wouldn’t want to see her again after the way she’d left the last time. The way she’d al
ways left, without so much as a goodbye.

  “Four years,” he reminded her.

  She cringed. It was silly of her to think he’d let her off the hook for leaving without saying goodbye. For not answering his desperate attempts to reach her. For not explaining why she’d left. As she looked at him now, she didn’t see any such demand in his eyes. Then again, Dex had never demanded a thing of her.

  He reached across the table and touched her fingertips.

  Ellie stared at his hand, desperately wanting to answer the pull in her heart and take his hand in hers. Dex’s hand had been her lifeline on too many nights to count, but now she didn’t reach for his fingers. She couldn’t. It would be too easy to crawl into the safety of him and allow herself to soak up the comfort he’d surely provide—and too easy to forget that she came with even more baggage now, tangled all around her like a wicked web. She was a different woman than Dex had known before. A stronger woman. Even if it hurt like hell to be strong sometimes. Even if looking at Dex, knowing how badly she’d hurt him, sliced her heart wide open.

  Dex made no move to pull his hand away. “What are you doing in New York?”

  Running away. “Applying for teaching jobs.” Ellie wanted to pour her heart out to Dex and let him erase the hurt of the last few weeks and help her to start fresh. She needed to forget, but Ellie sucked at forgetting. That was part of what made her strong. Remembering every shitty thing that had ever happened to her allowed her to never fall into the same circumstances twice. Of course, running away helped, too.

  “So you did it.”

  Dex’s lips curved into a smile that said so much more than he was happy for her. He’d believed in her when no one else had. God, she missed that. God, I’ve missed you. He leaned back. His rumpled black T-shirt clung snuggly to his chest. Tattoos snaked down his left arm. New tattoos that she hadn’t seen before. Ellie felt a stirring down low in parts of her that had been quiet for a very long time, which confused the hell out of her because she and Dex hadn’t progressed to being those kinds of friends in the past. Although, had she stayed…No. She wouldn’t think about that. His eyes never wavered from hers, and as Dex’s long fingers trailed away from hers, she longed for them to return.

  “Yeah. I made it, Dex.” She met his gaze and shook her head, feeling her own lips wanting to smile and hesitating. The tension in her shoulders eased. “Some days I can barely believe it, but I have the paper to prove it. I’ve got a master’s in minority and urban education from the University of Maryland. They gave me a scholarship, which was really helpful.” Pride swelled in her chest alongside the familiar comfort of being with Dex that she was trying not to allow herself to enjoy. He had a way of doing that to her. Sneaking comfort in through the cracks in her armor.

  “I never had any doubt,” he said.

  “I heard about Thrive. I guess all those years of tinkering paid off.” She remembered many nights when she’d crawl through his window to find him wearing nothing but boxers and sitting beside a stack of technical books and magazines. She’d maneuver around memory boards and computer paraphernalia, articles and notebooks. God, there were always notebooks scattered about his bedroom floor. He’d lift his arm, and she’d crawl in bed beside him and settle into the safety of him. His arm would drop to her shoulder and he’d pull her close while he read, and she calmed her nerves or slept. Or sometimes, she just breathed in the security of him.

  Dex nodded. “Yeah. It’s a nice gig.”

  Nice gig. That was so like him, downplaying his success. She’d seen his picture on the front of Gamer magazine several times over the past few years. One of her fifth-grade students had written a report about him right before she’d left Maryland. It had been a well-written report, noting not only his multimillion-dollar business but also his double degree in computer science and mathematics from Cornell. At the time, she’d thought about contacting him, but given the way her life had been unraveling with each breath, she hadn’t wanted to cast her chaos onto him again. Not after they’d shared that weekend together and she’d realized just what Dex had meant to her—which scared the shit out of her at the same time.

  Not after she’d run.

  She always ran.

  And now here he sat, making time for her once again while she ran away from the shit storm caused by dating a man she hadn’t known was married—a man who had hurt her both emotionally and physically. God, she couldn’t let Dex know. Right after he killed the asshole, he’d probably look at her differently, even though she hadn’t known he was married. She couldn’t be seen as a victim again. It was too damn hard. Goddamn Bruce Kellerman. She was done with men. She pushed the thought of Bruce aside. She had bigger problems to deal with, like trying to get a job and find an apartment, not to mention making it through the night worrying about some strange guy in the next room.

  “Hey, do you have time for a drink?”

  No. I need to find Dina’s place, and I…hell. The familiar comfort of being with Dex was too good to ignore. “Yeah, sounds good.”

  Dex flagged down a waitress and ordered a beer, then lifted his eyebrows to Ellie. “Rum and Coke?”

  She rolled her eyes. “God, am I still that high schoolish?” She wished she could order something more adult, like a cosmo, a manhattan, or a martini, but the truth was, her high school taste for rum and Coke had stayed with her like white on rice. “Yeah, bring it on.” She might as well relax and enjoy the evening. Her first interview wasn’t until ten the following morning, so even if she stayed out a little late catching up with Dex, she’d have time to sleep in.

  Chapter Three

  DEX COULD HARDLY believe Ellie was there in front of him, and damn, she looked more beautiful than ever. He’d thought she’d disappeared forever when they were teenagers and she’d been sent away to a new foster home. He’d been devastated about her leaving, but when he’d gone to her house the day she was supposed to leave and found she’d left without saying goodbye, he’d been completely inconsolable. She’d stolen his heart as a teenager, but until she’d shown up four years ago, he hadn’t realized how much he’d still loved her. In one brief weekend she’d filled his heart so full he thought he’d died and gone to heaven, and just as quickly as she’d reignited his love, she’d shattered his heart and left him a broken man. Ellie wasn’t safe. She was Kryptonite. She’d only bring him more pain. But he’d never been able to walk away from her, and as he drank her in, intoxicated from just being near her again, he was powerless to turn away.

  Two drinks later, the tension around her eyes eased, and he saw hints of the softer side of her, the side she’d hidden from the world but that he’d known so well. He wondered if anyone else had gotten into those places in her heart over the years.

  “Why New York?” His stomach did a little tumble of hope. Did you come back to see me?

  Ellie shrugged, fiddling with the rim of her glass. “Roots, I guess. I spent more years in New York than anywhere else, with the exception of college, of course.”

  “How was Maryland?” Dex knew he was walking on eggshells. At their closest, Ellie hadn’t talked about the harsh realities of her life. When the foster family she’d lived with treated her badly, she’d gone mute. She’d cuddled beside Dex without a word. It didn’t take long for him to recognize the faraway look in Ellie’s eyes for what it was. She’d been running back then, too, only she’d been running emotionally, not physically. Back then he’d wanted to understand what had driven her into that muted, unhappy state—what he’d come to know as her silent place. He’d gone to her house late one night and peered through the windows. Listening through the thin walls of the rambler, he’d heard yelling, and at the time, Dex had wished his older brothers, Sage, Kurt, Rush, and Jack, had been there to knock the shit out of her foster father, but Jack had joined the military, Rush was off training for the Olympics, and Kurt and Sage had been away at college. Only Dex and Siena were still living at home, and when he’d finally found the courage to ask Ellie about it, she’d
shut him out. That had been the first and only time he’d brought it up. Sitting with Ellie now, he wondered if she’d shut him out or let him in.

  Ellie dropped her baby blues to the table and fiddled with the edge of her glass. He recognized the straightening in the curve of her lips, the hooded expression in her eyes, and he knew she wasn’t going to let him in now, either.

  “It was okay. Not bad like it was with my foster family in our old neighborhood, but not exactly good, either.”

  She finished her drink and fisted her hands in the side of her hair, up high on the crown of her head. When she let go, her hair had a tousled look, parted in the center and falling in thick waves down her shoulders. Bedroom hair.

  Coming out of the bedroom with tousled hair and that sweet, sexy look in her eye would require Ellie to let someone into her world. Damn, he wanted to be in that world. Dex looked away, trying to dissuade his mind from thinking of Ellie in that way.

  Christ. Stop it. It’s Ellie.

  Dex needed a runner in his life like he needed to miss his release date. She couldn’t be counted on. He knew that. She’d had no qualms about tearing his heart out. He’d been there, done that with her, and it had hurt like hell. But then again, it was Ellie, and for Ellie, he had no idea what he would or wouldn’t risk. Just being with her stifled his ability to think straight.

  An hour later, Ellie’s eyelids were at half-mast. She’d had three drinks, in contrast to the one that used to send her stumbling as a teenager. She hung her purse across her shoulder and sighed. “I’d better get going.” She swayed on her feet and grabbed the table as she slid from the booth.

  Dex reflexively put an arm out to steady her and rose to his feet. When had their height difference gotten so vast? Ellie was so strong and stubborn that he’d envisioned her taller, not nearly as petite and feminine as she was. He had the urge to wrap her in his arms and hold her until that guarded look fell away.