Only for You Page 18

  The playful banter and laughter continued through dinner. When Zane and Willow got up to clear the table, Bodhi and the others rose to help.

  “Can I go watch a movie?” Louie asked.

  Bodhi’s instinct was to follow Bridgette and Louie into the living room, but he held back, helping to clear the table instead.

  Roxie sidled up to him, looking pretty in another artsy top and a pair of wide-legged pants. The spark of mischief in her eyes reminded him of Bridgette. “I see you’ve been using the lotion I gave you.”

  He glanced at the plates covering his hands. “I have, but . . . ?”

  She patted her heart and said, “It’s on your sleeve, honey.” She walked away humming a happy little tune.

  Talia was right behind her. “You let her give you lotion?”

  He set the plates beside the sink. “What am I missing?”

  Zane laughed. “Apparently nothing, if you’re using Roxie’s lotions and showing up late for dinner.”

  Bodhi felt a hand settle on his shoulder—Dan. Respect straightened his spine.

  “Son,” Dan said, “what you’re missing is that my wife has the power to charm love out of anyone, like a flute to a cobra.”

  Bodhi froze. Was he that transparent? He’d thought he’d been keeping his emotions in check around others, even if not in his own mind.

  “Oh yeah. My Roxie knows her stuff.” Dan walked away.

  Ben elbowed him. “Dude, get that look off your face before the girls start planning your wedding.”

  “Ben,” Zane said sternly. “Man, you know he’s leaving at the end of the week. Don’t make him feel worse for it.”

  “I have to admit, Bridgette has never seemed happier.” Ben patted Bodhi on the back. “But when you leave . . .”

  Tell me something I don’t know.

  “I hear we’re babysitting your dog Wednesday night.” Zane turned off the water and dried his hands.

  “Dahlia?” This, he did not know.

  Zane and Ben exchanged an oh-shit glance and converged on him in a huddle that rivaled one preceding a final play in football.

  “I fucked up,” Zane whispered.

  “As per usual,” Ben teased.

  Zane glared at him. “Seriously, Bodhi. I thought you knew. You can’t tell Bridgette I told you about your date.”

  “Jesus!” Ben chastised in a harsh whisper. “Dude?”

  Zane cringed. “Shit. Well, I already blew it. Here’s the deal.” He glanced over his shoulder at the others talking in the dining room and spoke fast. “Willow and I are babysitting Louie and your dog Wednesday night so you and Bridge can have a night alone. I’m keeping Louie until Roxie picks him up in the morning, so you have more time together.”

  Holy shit. Bridgette had planned all of this? A night alone? And she’d even taken care of Dahlia? He glanced around Ben at his beautiful girlfriend, who never failed to surprise him.

  “If you tell Bridgette we told you,” Zane warned, “we’ll have to kill you.”

  “Dead,” Ben said.

  “Body disposed of,” Zane said.

  “Like you never existed,” Ben confirmed.

  Bodhi chuckled. “You can try.”

  Zane and Ben glowered.

  “I’m kidding,” Bodhi assured them. “I’ve got it. Christ, you do stick together, don’t you?”

  They rose to their full heights and bumped fists, then they turned their fists toward Bodhi. Surprised, Bodhi bumped each of them.

  “About time we had another guy around,” Ben said.

  “No kidding.” Zane put an arm around each of them and headed for the others. “I love the girls, but it’s like estrogen overload in here.”

  Bridgette came into view, standing in the living room with a hand on Louie’s shoulder and talking with Talia and Willow. If this was estrogen overload, he’d happily drown in it.

  BODHI WRAPPED HIS arms around Bridgette from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder. “How many times did you sneak out of this bedroom?”

  She placed her arms over his, laughing softly. She was giving him a tour of Willow and Zane’s house, her childhood home. Her father had dubbed the house the Grand Lady because it sat high on a hill, as if it stood sentinel over the rest of the homes on the street. “You don’t really want to know.”

  He turned her in his arms, his eyes fierce, his jaw tense, but she knew him well enough by now to feel the difference between real and feigned tension. This was neither. It was jealousy, and she was loving that particular emotion more than she probably should. It reminded her of their first night together when he’d thought Ben was her husband.

  “Maybe a better question would be, what did I do when I snuck out.” She pushed up on her toes and kissed him. “It wasn’t what you think.”

  His eyes narrowed, and she whispered, “I never had sex until I went away to college. I’ve only been with four men. Two before Jerry, and you.”

  He touched his forehead to hers. “It wouldn’t have mattered, except that you just saved me from having to kill some poor bastard around here.” His lips curved up in a sexy smile. “What did you do when you snuck out?”

  “Went to the creek and partied with my friends. Danced to loud music, drank beer they’d stolen from their parents, and dreamed about growing up and getting out of this tiny town.”

  “Really? You didn’t love living here?”

  “I did love it, but I wanted so much more.” She drew in a deep breath and took his hand, leading him to the window. “I used to look out this window and dream of big cities and all-night parties. I wanted more fun, freedom, and . . . I don’t know. I wanted more in general, I guess. When I went to college, it was like uncorking a shaken bottle. All fun, all the time.”

  He touched his lips to hers. “How did you pass your classes?”

  She held up her hand, indicating barely with the space between her finger and thumb. “I only completed a year and a few weeks before I met Jerry.”

  “Ah, the ultimate freedom.” He held her tighter. “I’m glad you had that. I wish I had known you back then.”

  “You wouldn’t have liked me. I was too wild for you.”

  “You have no idea what I was like in high school.”

  “Please. You were big and broody, like you are now. Only I bet you studied hard and you were the head of the football team, telling everyone what to do. I never liked those types of boys. I wanted long-haired bad boys.”

  His lips curved up. “I was as bad as they came.”

  “Uh-huh,” she teased, unable to picture him doing anything wrong. “Bad boys don’t work in their mother’s flower shop.”

  “Wanna bet?” He rolled his shoulders back and puffed out his chest. “I was well behaved, and I did my schoolwork, but I was a cocky asshole for a while, just the type of guy you would have liked. I didn’t ask girls to go out with me. I’d point to them and say, ‘Friday night,’ and they’d practically fall to their knees.”

  Her jaw dropped open. “Seriously? You’re bossy, but I can’t even imagine you treating girls that way.”

  “Yeah, well . . .” He tugged her against him. “I’ve got to say something to save face.”

  “You were a mama’s boy!”

  He tackled her on the bed, tickling her ribs, and she squealed.

  “I was a badass!”

  “Big, bad Bodhi,” she said between laughs. “The mama’s boy!”

  He smothered her face in kisses, and she couldn’t stop laughing. Suddenly Louie raced into the room and dove onto the bed, tickling her, too, and Bodhi was tickling Louie, and they were all laughing hysterically. Bodhi trapped them both beneath him, his arms around them, and collapsed on top of them in a fit of hysterics.

  “God, I love you two—” bubbled out with his laughter.

  Bridgette bit her lower lip, eyes wide.

  A gasp drew her attention to the doorway, where Willow stood with her hand over her mouth, barely covering her smile. Behind her, Zane and the others each
wore the same shocked, and happy, expression.

  Don’t overthink. Don’t overthink. Friends love each other.

  Louie wrapped his arms around Bodhi’s neck, smiling so hard it had to hurt his little cheeks. “We love you, too, Bodhi!”

  She met Bodhi’s gaze. Her son’s arms were wrapped tightly around his neck as he rose to his feet. His smile turned to something she couldn’t quite read. Regret? Begging for forgiveness? Anger? If it was the latter, she knew it would only be aimed at himself, and that made her ache inside.

  Bodhi didn’t miss a beat. He tickled Louie’s belly, earning another innocent giggle and reminding Bridgette not to make too much out of things in front of him, because Louie was just that—innocent. To him, the word love held a meaning very different from what it meant to her and Bodhi.

  It was the man holding him, and the way he was looking at her, that had her stomach tied in knots.

  “High five, little dude.” Bodhi held a hand up, forcing a smile that didn’t come anywhere near reaching his eyes.

  Louie slapped his hand.

  Bodhi turned a genuine smile on her family, who were watching the three of them like they were on the big screen. “I guess the cat’s out of the bag. I totally dig all my new friends.”

  Bodhi, the rescuer, had just saved her heart by protecting her son’s.

  Bodhi, the man, however, wasn’t fooling anyone else.

  Least of all her.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  BODHI HAD STEPPED on a land mine, and he was terrified of making a move. He hadn’t meant for his feelings to tumble out, but for the briefest of seconds he’d forgotten who he was and what was at stake. Bridgette looked like she was going to fall apart any second, and he needed to get to her without making things worse.

  “Who wants dessert?” Roxie burst into the room, reaching for Louie, and saving Bodhi’s ass.

  “Me!” Louie cheered, and happily climbed out of Bodhi’s grip and into hers.

  “Good idea,” Willow said, her eyes darting between Bodhi and Bridgette. “We’ll—”

  Ben pushed to the front of the group and herded them toward the stairs. “Downstairs, everyone. The ticklefest is over.” He glanced over his shoulder and gave Bodhi a look that told him he had his back.

  When they were safely out of earshot, Bodhi quietly closed the door and went to Bridgette as she sat down on the edge of the bed. He stood before her and took her hands in his, telling himself it would be easier for her if he covered up his feelings. He met her gaze, and the hope and fear in her eyes brought him to his knees before her. He gazed up at her, love seeping out of his pores. His gut clenched with the realization that he was an asshole after all, because he wanted her to love him back, even if only for their last few days together.

  “I never meant to fall in love with you,” he admitted, and her eyes went damp. “I thought I could do this, but you and Louie . . .” Overwhelmed by his emotions, he paused to try to regain control and cradled her face in his hands. He was probably holding her too hard, but he was afraid to let her go—and afraid not to. Tears streamed down her cheeks, slipping over his fingers. “I fell, Bridge. I fell so hard I feel like I’m breaking apart. I love you and Louie, and I know I shouldn’t, and it’s unfair, but—”

  She crushed her mouth to his, silencing his confession. Her salty tears slipped between their lips as they tried to hide from reality.

  “Don’t say it,” she said into the kiss.

  “Bridgette.” He sank back on his heels, lifting her onto his lap as they kissed. “You’re mine, and I’m yours. Right now we have this.”

  She cried harder, all the while kissing and touching him all over as he was touching her, like they were each making sure the other was real.

  “I never meant to hurt you.” His devastation came out loud and clear, and he hated himself for putting them in this position.

  “I know.” She drew back, a shaky smile appearing and disappearing in quick succession. “I fell, too, Bodhi, and I know it’s not fair to Louie.”

  The pain inside him erupted, piercing him with the force of a hundred wild beasts trying to claw their way out.

  “Maybe we can make it work,” she said through her tears. “I can handle being apart a few weeks at a time.”

  “Baby.” His throat thickened to the point of every breath causing pain, but he loved her too much to gloss over this subject. He held her face again, gentler this time, brushing his thumb over her lower lip, then pressed a soft kiss to it. “I know you can handle a few weeks, but can you handle not knowing if I’ll live or die every time I go to work?”

  She swallowed hard.

  “Can you handle when they show up at your door and tell you the man you love is never coming back? Can you imagine telling Louie I’m gone?”

  She turned away. He guided her trembling chin back toward him, and she closed her eyes.

  He kissed her wet cheeks. “Please look at me, Bridge.”

  Her eyes opened, and he nearly drowned in the despair in them.

  “The ball is in your court,” he said as firmly as he could. “Do you honestly want to go through that . . . again?”

  “It might not happen,” she said angrily.

  A memory he’d buried long ago raced through his mind. It was the last time his father had been home on leave. Dad, you’ll come back, right? His father had looked him in the eyes and said, I sure hope so. Hope wasn’t good enough for Bridgette and Louie. He couldn’t do that to her.

  “You’re right,” he relented, then forced himself to man up and take the hit. “But if it does? Baby, we went into this relationship with our eyes open, remember? Can you look me in the eyes and tell me you want this? That you’re willing to risk the devastation of losing me? Maybe not in a month, or a week, but every single time I go to work, it’s a risk. Are you willing to put Louie through that?”

  Her chin fell to her chest, fresh tears sliding down her cheeks, and she shook her head. “I can’t do that to Louie,” she said so quietly he almost missed it. She fisted her hands in his shirt and met his gaze. “But I want more time with you.”

  “I know. I do, too. But I have to report for a week of training Sunday night.”

  “I know.” She sat up a little straighter, killing him with her strength. “We promised each other every night until you left. Willow and Zane said they’d babysit Wednesday, and I asked them to take Dahlia, too. I planned a special night. And the Peach Festival is Saturday. Can we just have that? Can you stay until Saturday evening?”

  “My sweet, beautiful Bridgette. Every day I stay will make it that much harder when I leave. Are you sure that’s what you want?”

  Her eyes brightened and she nodded vehemently, her hair tumbling around her face. “I want whatever I can get. A day, a week, an hour.”

  His gut told him to say no, to make it easier on her, but as it had been doing all evening, when he opened his mouth, the truth poured out. “Then I’m going to love you every second we have left, so you never regret it.”

  He wrapped her in his arms, trying to escape the torment between them, and for the first time in his life, he questioned his career choice.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  AFTER FIELDING HER family’s overprotective phone calls for two days, Bridgette was thrilled to get away with Bodhi Wednesday night. She loved her family and appreciated their concerns, but she wanted to enjoy these last few days with Bodhi without thinking about how much it would hurt when he left Saturday evening. They knew the reason for her situation. Bodhi had taken the time to talk with each of them Monday night. Bridgette had been floored to find out that while she was on the couch with Louie, Bodhi had told them about the dangers that came with his job and about losing his father.

  Later that night, after Louie was asleep in his bed, and after they’d made love, they’d stayed up for hours talking. She’d wondered if he’d ever considered doing something else with his life, though she hadn’t voiced the question. He’d told her about the friends
he’d lost and the families they’d left behind. He’d gone on to tell her about the men and women he’d rescued, and she’d heard in his voice the fulfillment it gave him, answering her silent question.

  Every time a mission is successful, I know my father didn’t die in vain. His death made me strive to be the best at what I do. And because of that, someone else gets to live. She held on to that statement like a lifeline when her decision about sticking to their plans of here and now felt like she was swallowing glass. Her family understood, but they worried she might regret that decision later.

  Bridgette couldn’t worry about regret. She had a little boy’s feelings to protect. The second Bodhi had asked if she could handle being notified of his death, and having to explain that to Louie, her choice had become clear.

  Now, as they drove up the narrow mountain roads, she decided not to think about his leaving.

  “Slow down.” She pointed to the fork in the road up ahead. “Turn right there.” She was glad they’d taken his truck so she could snuggle against him as they drove to Logan’s cabin. The sun hung just above the horizon, slicing through the umbrella of trees in fits and spurts and spreading a romantic hue over their evening.

  “This would be much easier if you’d just tell me where we’re going.” Bodhi squeezed her shoulder.

  “But it wouldn’t be nearly as much fun.” She’d wanted to surprise him with the overnight trip to Logan’s cabin. All she’d told him was to dress for the outdoors and pack a bag. She glanced at the walkie-talkie hooked to the waist of his jeans, and she wondered if it would work this far away. Louie hadn’t needed to call him to say good night recently, as Bodhi was at their house nightly, playing games, tossing a ball in the backyard with Louie, or watching movies, as he’d promised.

  “You sure you’re okay with being away for the night?” he asked.

  “I’m more than okay, and Louie’s in good hands. Zane’s like a big kid. He’ll keep Louie up too late, feed him too much sugar, and let Dahlia sleep on the bed. Louie might never want to come home.” She saw the driveway up ahead and said, “Take the next right, but take it slowly.”