Healed by Love (Love in Bloom: The Bradens) Read online

  “Yeah, well, you are Nate Braden, war hero extraordinaire,” Sam teased. “Half the girls there wanted a chance to kiss you at midnight. I’m surprised Cole didn’t have to do CPR on them after you chose Jewel.”

  Nate’s jaw dropped open. “What? That’s horseshit.”

  “No, it’s not. Even my date was watching to see who you’d kiss, but she knew you’d kiss Jewel from the second you arrived at the party.” Ty cocked a crass smile and shook his head. “You walked into Mr. B’s and scanned that crowd until you saw Jewel, and then you made sure you were never more than ten feet away from her the whole night.”

  “I did not.” Shit, they noticed that?

  Sam sat up and laughed. “Dude, you had one eye on her all night. I told you everyone knew about your feelings for her. Where the hell did you grow up? People here know you. No one could spend as much time doing stuff with Jewel Fisher as you always have and not fall for her. She’s gorgeous, she’s one of the nicest girls around, and she never gives any guy the time of day. Half the guys around here would give anything to date her.”

  “I know I would,” Ty said.

  Nate glared at them both.

  Ty held his hands up in surrender, but his eyes lit up with the tease. “Don’t worry. Only for a night. She’s too responsible for me.”

  In one swift move Nate tackled Ty, pinning him to the ground with his knees on his biceps. Sam and Ty roared with laughter.

  “You touch her, and I’ll kill you, little brother.” Nate was only half kidding. He smiled and lightened his tone. “Or at least castrate you. That ought to take care of your desire to bed my woman.”

  Ty tried to stop laughing so he could speak, but every time he tried to get a word out, more laughter bubbled out. His long hair fell away from his face, and Nate took full advantage and slapped both cheeks in quick succession, the way he used to taunt Ty when they were kids.

  “Gonna stop thinking about her like that? Huh? Huh?”

  “Dude!” Ty laughed.

  Sam set his beer down and tackled Nate from the side. Ty was quick to jump in, sending the three of them into fits of laughter as they wrestled and rolled down the hill toward the water. Nate’s phone vibrated in his pocket.

  “Phone!” he yelled.

  “Fuck the phone,” Sam said, and pinned him to the ground.

  “It might be Jewel, you a-hole.” Nate tried to push Sam aside to get to his pocket to retrieve his phone.

  “Give me the phone,” Ty yelled. “I’ll do some talking!”

  That sent adrenaline coursing through Nate, even though he knew Ty was just egging him on. He threw Sam off of him and leveled a dark stare at Ty.

  “Castration, dude. That’s what you’ll face.”

  Ty laughed again. “You know I’d never touch Jewel. She’s yours, man. Go answer your fucking phone.”

  All three of them were breathing hard, covered in grass and smiling like fools. It felt almost as good as it had to hold Jewel in his arms. Almost.

  Nate’s chest grew tight when he saw Jewel’s name on the screen. He quickly read the text message.

  Can I come over and talk?

  He turned to his brothers, who were brushing grass from their clothes. “You guys have to take off.”

  Sam and Ty exchanged snarky looks.

  “Guess I lost out after all,” Ty teased.

  “Come on, bro.” Sam put an arm around Ty. “Let’s go down to my place and make bets about Nate and Jewel.”

  Nate took a fast step toward Sam, as if he were going to jump him, and they all laughed.

  Sam pointed at him. “You’re coming by tomorrow afternoon to help us out with the renovations, right? Dad said he didn’t need your help at the brewery.”

  “Yeah. I’ll be there.”

  “Great. Good luck. I really do hope this all works out.” Sam picked up their empty bottles and patted Nate on the back.

  “If she shoots you down,” Ty said, “you know where to find me. Send her over.”

  “Ass,” Nate said with a smile.

  “I do have a nice ass, don’t I, Sammy?” Ty teased as he and Sam headed to the driveway.

  Nate watched them drive away and then returned Jewel’s text. Want me to come there?

  He turned at the sound of tires on gravel, wondering what his brothers had forgotten, and his heart skipped a beat at the sight of Jewel’s Jeep.

  THIS IS A test, Jewel told herself as she tried to calm her racing heart and parked beside Nate’s truck. She’d made it through the afternoon feeling much better and closer to Nate, but she worried that it was because she’d been distracted. She needed to look into Nate’s eyes without the kids around, without the distraction of realizing that she was holding her brother and sisters back, and see what she felt. If she could make it through a conversation tonight, then they could think about moving forward—and if she was slaughtered by thoughts of him giving Rick his final order, then…Well, then she’d drive away from his cabin for the last time and cry for the next six months.

  His cabin was dark. As she checked her phone and saw that he’d sent her a text, the door to the Jeep swung open, startling her. Nate stood against the backdrop of the river, and even in silhouette, he softened her resolve.

  He stepped closer, and the interior light brought his face into focus. His love-filled, apologetic gaze cut straight to her heart.

  Test over.

  “Nate.” It came out as a whisper.

  “Hi, sweetheart. I’m sorry I startled you.”

  Sweetheart. Tears filled her eyes. Why was she crying?

  Nate took a step back, as if he thought he’d done something wrong.

  She reached for him.

  “I thought you’d want more space,” he said.

  She shook her head as tears spilled down her cheeks. “I don’t know what I want. I mean, I do know, but I’m so scared, Nate.”

  He stepped in closer. “Me too.”

  “Can we talk?” she managed.

  He held a hand out, and she stepped from the Jeep. “Ouch!” She lifted her foot off the ground.

  His brow furrowed. “Your ankle again?”

  “It doesn’t really hurt. Just aches at the end of the day.”

  He lifted her into his arms and carried her toward the cabin, and she couldn’t stop from blurting out her feelings.

  “I don’t want you to leave town.” She wiped her tears and blinked several times to fend off any more of them. “God, Nate. You’ve made me a blubbering fool. I never cry! And I’ve been nothing but tears since we’ve been at odds.”

  “Oh, baby.” He went silent, his eyes full of sorrow and warmth. A strange combination to take in. She thought for a moment that he might kiss her, and God did she ever want him to. But then he said, “I never want to make you cry. I want to make your life better…always. I’m so sorry. I’m not leaving town, Jewel. I don’t care if it takes a year. I’m not giving up on you. I’m not giving up on us.”

  As Nate pushed open the cabin door and carried her into the living room, the familiar scene made her smile.

  “I’m in your arms again.” She loved being in his arms. She loved him. She’d always loved him. But could she love him without feeling like she was betraying her brother?

  He smiled. “You like it there, remember?”

  “How could I forget? You pick me up every chance you get.”

  That earned her a smile. “I guess I do. Funny thing is, I’ve carried injured men, and I’ve carried kids, but I’d never carried a woman before I carried you. I think my arms were made for carrying you.”

  She felt her body go soft. Rick would want her to be happy, wouldn’t he? She knew he would. She had read Rick’s letters enough times to know that he loved Nate and trusted him.

  Nate set her down on the couch and sat beside her, leaving space between them. She could tell he was as confused by her sudden change of heart as she was. He leaned an arm across the back of the couch and slid his thigh up on the cushion between the
m, facing her.

  “I didn’t expect to hear from you tonight.”

  The truth in his voice made her heart squeeze.

  “I didn’t expect to come over, but it turns out that a guy who can always find time for me is hard to forget.” She fidgeted with the edge of her shirt. “I came over because I wanted to talk to you, but I also came over to see if I could face you without imagining you sending Rick off.”

  “And?”

  “I don’t see that.” She saw relief wash through his eyes, and then as quickly as it appeared, it was replaced with worry again. “I’m sorry that I reacted so strongly, but...”

  “Don’t you see, Jewel? That’s why I couldn’t make love to you without you knowing. I know I kept this from you and your family for way too long, but I was scared. I’m still scared, and that might make me weak, but it is what it is. Rick was my best friend. Your mother is like a second mother to me. Your brother and sisters are like my own flesh and blood. But you, Jewel, you’re everything.” He scrubbed a hand down his face, a motion that Jewel knew meant he was terribly conflicted.

  “I loved him, Jewel. He was as important to me as my own siblings, and I was selfish, because I didn’t want to lose you and your family, too. I deserve whatever you feel toward me, and I won’t ever hold your feelings against you.”

  “Then you deserve my love, Nate, because that’s what I feel.” The words came easily, truthfully, from her heart. He lifted his eyes to hers with so much disbelief and thankfulness in them, it caused her to tear up again. “But I need to talk about this. I need to understand it. To make sense of it.”

  “I want that, too, but I’ve been trying to make sense of it for two years, and it just doesn’t make sense. War doesn’t make sense. What happened to your father doesn’t make sense.” He reached for her hand, and the rightness of their fingers twining together brought the feelings she’d been holding back rushing forth.

  “I don’t mean Rick’s death. I mean what led up to it,” she explained. “Every letter Rick ever sent me talked about how good of a man you were. He loved you, and obviously you loved him.”

  “Like a brother,” Nate admitted again.

  “What did you save him from?” She had been wondering the whole drive over. If Nate sent Rick on the mission, was he saving him from a more dangerous mission? Had he really been trying to protect Rick?

  Nate shifted his eyes away.

  “I know you, Nate. You sent him on the supply run, but there must have been something else going on at the same time. Something more dangerous. He said you always had his back.”

  “Jewel.” The muscle in his jaw jumped.

  The warning in his voice made her sit up straighter, mentally bracing herself, but for what, she had no idea. “Tell me.”

  “It wasn’t a choice of who lives or who dies. I loved Rick, but I could never have made a decision to put someone else’s life in danger in lieu of his. You can’t make decisions like that during war. I had to send someone on the run, and Rick was sent because it was his turn.”

  She drew in a deep breath and then another, trying to process what he’d said. He wasn’t saving Rick from something more dangerous. He was doing what he was trained to do. It was a hard pill to swallow, but not an impossible one.

  “No,” she said. “I guess you wouldn’t have made decisions based on your friendship. What would that have said about you?”

  “That I wasn’t worthy of leading those men. Jewel, I’ve thought about all of this until I shredded it to pieces. If I hadn’t taken ROTC during college, I would have been enlisted, like Rick was. If I hadn’t ended up leading his company, I wouldn’t have made the call. If I hadn’t wanted to follow my father’s path into the military, this wouldn’t have happened.” He shifted his feet to the floor and wrung his hands together. Pain was evident in the plump veins on the side of his neck and the jumping muscles of his jaw. His shoulders rode high and tight.

  “But even knowing what might have been different doesn’t change what happened. I can’t take it back, and I think you know me well enough to believe that if I could, if there were any possible way, I would do it in a second.”

  Jewel knew Nate was a man of his word and that all the if onlys in the world would never bring back her brother. Or her father, for that matter. She thought about the letters Rick had written to her.

  “Rick believed in you,” she said, more to herself than to him.

  “After reading the letters he wrote to your mother, I know he believed in me, Jewel, the same way I believed in him. But that doesn’t mean you have to.”

  “I believe in you, Nate.”

  Nate’s breath left his lungs in a rush, and Jewel held hers. He closed his eyes for a second, and when he opened them, he moved closer to her, and she moved closer to him, too.

  “I never realized Rick knew how I felt about you,” Nate said just above a whisper. “Not until I read the letters.”

  “What do you mean, he knew?”

  Nate retrieved his journal from the bookshelf and set it in her lap. He had been so worried about her seeing his journal before that it felt like he was opening a private door to his very soul. And even though he wasn’t saying, Read my journal, it felt to Jewel like he was stripping away any walls he’d erected around his heart for her to see all of him.

  “I was going to ask your mom if she’d mind if I kept this letter.” He pulled a folded piece of paper from the center of the journal and handed it to her.

  Overwhelmed by the gesture, she couldn’t do more than stare at the piece of himself he’d set in her hands.

  “It’s okay, Jewel. I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve written. I just never realized that until I nearly lost you.”

  Now that she knew how important the journal was to him, she was afraid to open it, and she didn’t know exactly why. “Nate, I don’t want to read your journal.” She lifted her eyes to his.

  “You don’t have to, but I want you to feel free to read it if you ever do. It was supposed to be about my feelings about Rick and everything that happened, and it is, in part. But it’s really more about my feelings for you. If you’re ever in doubt of my love for you, it’s all there. From before we ever kissed.” He pulled the envelope from the journal. “This letter was freeing for me, and it might help you, too.”

  She unfolded the letter and swallowed hard at the sight of her brother’s handwriting.

  “It’s here.” Nate pointed to the third paragraph, and she read it aloud.

  “He loves her, Mom.” Jewel felt her eyes tear up again. He knew? Rick knew? She hadn’t even known. She swallowed past the thickening in her throat and continued reading, but she was too emotional to read it aloud.

  I see it in his eyes when he talks about her, and before we go in the field he stares at her picture the way married guys look at pictures of their wives. If I don’t make it home alive, please make sure he knows I’m okay with them going out. I know he’ll protect her and be good to her, but I don’t want to make things weird and tell him myself while we’re here. I will when we come home and he finally asks her out, but just in case, I wanted to tell you, too. Whatever you do, don’t tell Jewel. The last thing she needs is to get her heart tied to someone who may not make it out alive. I know that’s why he hasn’t said anything. He’s already protecting her.

  Jewel looked up through a blur of tears.

  “I’m no expert on love,” Nate said, “but I think I loved you long before I should have, and I love you more with every passing day.”

  Jewel wrapped her arms around Nate’s neck, and he pressed his lips to hers. Salty tears seeped into their mouths, causing them to smile. Nate pressed his hand to her cheek, his eyes narrowing with a serious, and somehow incredibly loving, slant.

  “Rick loved you so much, Jewel. But I don’t want you to make any decisions based on what he thought was best for you, or what anyone else, including me, thinks is best for you. You know how I feel about you, but you’ve spent the last eight years doi
ng everything for everyone else. I want you to take your time and think things through. I want this decision to be made from your heart—even if you decide to walk away from us.” He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “There’s no pressure from me, even though I’ll probably leave you little reminders for the next thirty years if that’s what it takes to keep me on your mind.”

  For the first time in Jewel’s life she felt whole. With her heart on her sleeve, she said, “Nate, you’ve never been far from my mind, and you’ve always been in my heart.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  NATE HAD NEVER felt as full of emotions as he did right now. He wanted to take Jewel in his arms and love her, but he hesitated. This had to be her decision, made with a clear head. When she lowered her mouth to his, he drank in the comfort of their closeness. He’d thought he’d lost her, and with that fear had come the realization that he might have left everything he loved behind for a decision over which he no longer had any control. He couldn’t fix the past, and reading Rick’s letters had confirmed what he’d always known in his heart—he and Jewel belonged together.

  The love and desire inside him bound together with a sense of urgency. As Jewel deepened the kiss, he could tell she felt it, too, and he took every last breath Jewel was willing to share.

  “Jewel,” he whispered, then kissed her again, longing to finally make her his. Self-control hanging by a thread, he pulled back, determined that it be her decision.

  “I want us, Nate. I don’t need any more time or space. I love you.” She pressed her lips to his. “Love me, Nate.”

  He took her in another needful kiss, feeling as though his heart might explode, and carried her into the bedroom. He lowered her onto the bed and followed her down, snaking his arms beneath her so he could hold her close. She was more than a little breathless, her skin was flushed with desire, and her eyes—her gorgeous, seductive eyes—were drenched with so much trust and love he nearly lost his ability to speak. But he had to, forced himself to, because the most important thing to Nate was taking care of Jewel.