Discovering Delilah Read online

  He’s smiling and watching me pretty intently. When I walk past him, he leans in close and whispers, “If you need an escape, just scratch your nose.”

  I laugh, but I secretly worry about why I might need an escape.

  Kenny is dragging Ashley’s bag downstairs. Bolton’s still holding mine as he closes the door behind us. The house smells like Thanksgiving, warm and foody, even though it’s only August. We’re standing in the foyer. To our right are two sets of stairs, one that leads up and one that leads down. I can hear a television playing downstairs. I’m not used to split-levels. Our house in Connecticut is a Colonial with tall ceilings and a center staircase. This is much cozier.

  “Is that my baby girl?” Ashley’s mother comes out of the kitchen to our left and folds Ashley into her arms.

  “Hi, Mom.” Ashley rolls her eyes over her mother’s shoulder, but her smile says she loves the attention.

  I get a pang of longing deep in my chest. It’s been months since I hugged my mother, and I’ll never be able to hug her again. I’ve been so entrenched in battling the look my parents gave me when I came out to them that I’ve stopped seeing the warmer looks, stopped feeling the love they doled out so readily. How could I have pushed that aside?

  Ashley’s mother steps back and holds Ash’s shoulders. Her hair is the same dirty blond as Ashley’s, her eyes the same warm brown as she assesses her daughter. When she smiles, it’s easy to see what Ashley will look like when she’s older. “Are you eating enough? You look thin.”

  Do all moms worry about that? My mom said something similar when she first saw me on graduation day.

  “Mom.” Ashley’s voice is thick with annoyance, but it’s contradicted by her smile.

  How often did I sound the same way toward my mom? I wish I could take each and every time back. I push those thoughts away, determined not to let my parents’ absence get in the way of our visit.

  Ashley puts her hand on my lower back as her mother shifts a friendly gaze my way.

  “And you must be Delilah.” She touches her cheeks and her eyes widen. “My word, you are even prettier than I imagined.” Before I can thank her, she pulls me against her and hugs me much longer than I anticipated.

  “I’m so glad you’re here. Ash has told me so much about you.” She takes my hand and calls down the stairs, “Paulie? The girls are here,” then leads me across the hardwood floor and into a cozy living room with a small piano set against the wall to the left. Above the piano hangs a large frame of orange fabric that looks like burlap. Haphazardly pinned to it at cockeyed angles are several photos of Ashley and Kenny and their parents. Ashley as a baby holding a bottle, as a toddler walking in the grass. She was a pudgy baby with almost white-blond hair, and so cute it makes me smile. The arrangement is vastly different from the carefully placed frames in our house. It’s more appealing to me, this homier arrangement. I imagine her mother changing the pictures from time to time, adding more, standing before them smiling, sighing, and reveling in memories of Kenny on his bicycle or her and her husband sitting on the front porch.

  There’s a couch against the wall to our right and a love seat beneath a big window on the wall opposite us. A small dining room is off the living room, tucked behind the kitchen, with sliding glass doors that lead out to a deck. I know Ashley grew up in this house, and I imagine her toddling across the room, running into her mother’s arms, and opening Christmas gifts by a big, decorated tree.

  “Dad.”

  I turn at the wondrous tone of Ashley’s voice as she falls into her father’s open arms. He’s a heavyset man, and he closes his eyes as he hugs her.

  “I missed you, pumpkin.”

  “I missed you, too, Dad.” Ash reaches for me again. “Dad, this is Delilah.”

  I like that she respects me enough not to cling to me in a way that would make me feel uncomfortable in front of her parents but still touches me enough that I feel special.

  He smiles down at me. Even though he’s about the same height as Bolton, who’s standing behind us, he looks much bigger. It might be his sheer breadth, or maybe the way he’s opening his arms to me, as he did for Ashley, but as I walk forward and accept his embrace, I feel like I’m hugging a gigantic teddy bear.

  “Welcome to our home, sweetheart.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Carver.”

  “Call me Paul, please.” He reaches a hand out to Bolton.

  “How’s it going, son?” Bolton takes his hand, and Paul pulls him into a hug, too.

  “You okay?” Ashley whispers as her mother sits on the couch.

  “Perfectly. How could I not be? Your family is wonderful.” I’ve been here only for a few minutes, and already I feel like I walked through a portal that instantly made me part of their family. Being here makes me long for my parents, but it also amplifies how different my parents’ reaction would have been if I had brought Ashley home and introduced her as my girlfriend. I imagine my parents as flustered, hot messes the moment they laid eyes on us holding hands. Their disapproving looks might even have gotten lost in their inability to find something appropriate to say. I force myself to push that away, but it’s not as easy as I hoped it would be. I focus on Kenny bounding down the stairs. That helps.

  Kenny plows into Bolton. “Are you staying? Want to see what I built in Minecraft?”

  “Yeah, sure.” Bolton turns to Paul. “You guys mind if I stick around a few minutes with Kenny?”

  “What kind of question is that? Of course you can stay.” Ashley’s mom waves a hand as if he’s being ridiculous. “Stay for dinner if you want.”

  “Thanks, Mrs. C, but I can’t. My mom is planning a big family dinner. Ash, if you and Delilah want to hang out later, text me.”

  “We will.” Ashley watches her mother spring up to her feet and rush into the kitchen. “Mom, do you need help?”

  Bolton and Kenny head upstairs.

  “Oh, no.” Her mom waves another dismissive hand. “I’m just making a few things for later. Go ahead and show Delilah around. We’ll catch up when you girls are ready. Dinner’s not until five, so you have oodles of time to do your own thing.”

  “Come on. I’ll show you my room.” Ashley leads me downstairs. “This is the rec room, or my dad’s man cave.”

  The rec room, like the rest of the house, feels warm and inviting. There are two comfortably worn couches, a wide coffee table with ESPN and Good Housekeeping magazines on it, as well as a Nintendo 3DS, which I assume is Kenny’s. Ashley reaches for my hand, searching my eyes for approval first before taking it.

  I take it and we walk down a narrow hallway. She presses her hand on a closed door as we pass. “This is the basement, but it’s full of junk.” She points to the open door across from it. “My dad’s office.” We walk a little farther and she points to a laundry room, and across from that another small room. “My mom’s domain.”

  I peek in and there’s a sewing machine, a rocking chair, and several bookshelves. At the far side of the narrow room is a door leading outside.

  At the end of the hall Ashley waves a hand to the open door. “This is my bedroom.” I peer inside and note the white dresser and queen-sized bed with a matching white headboard. Two bookcases filled with books and knickknacks sit off to the left. There are posters of bands on the walls, as if the bedroom hasn’t changed since she was a teenager. Ashley pulls me into the room, then pushes the door almost-but-not-quite closed, and whispers, “Can I just give you a little kiss? For making it through meeting my parents?”

  “You don’t have to ask.” I lean forward, and the second our lips press together, butterflies take flight in my stomach. She kisses me quickly, as promised, and I crave a longer, deeper kiss, but I’m still a little nervous, so I resist the urge to pull her back for more.

  There’s a light knock at the door, and I stumble away from Ash as Bolton opens the door.

  “Sorry to interrupt.” He runs his eyes between us.

  “Come on in.” Ashley’s cheeks are flushed
, and I know I’m beet-red.

  “I just got a text from Carly. She and a few of the old gang are going to Marco’s tonight. You guys want to go?”

  Ashley turns to me. “Marco’s is a dance club. We went to high school with Carly.”

  “You’ll like the gang, Delilah. They’re pretty much like me and Ash, and Marco’s is a great place if you like to dance.” He moves his hips and flashes a bright white smile.

  I love to dance, but I’m nervous about how to act around Ashley’s friends. I remember how hard it was to keep my hands off her at the Taproom, but I can’t miss the hope in Ashley’s eyes, and it does sound fun.

  “Sure. I’ll go.” I can hardly believe I agreed, but when Ash throws her arms around my neck and hugs me, I’m glad I did.

  “Thank you! You’ll love them.” She unravels herself from the embrace. “Sorry. I was just—”

  “It’s okay.” I drop my gaze, but I realize that I don’t feel uncomfortable around Bolton.

  “Cool. So…ride over together? Leave around eight?” Bolton points over his shoulder with his thumb. “I’ve gotta get home before my mom sends out a search squad. I just arrived when you guys did.”

  “Sounds good.” Ashley’s gaze hasn’t left mine since she hugged me. After Bolton says goodbye, she exhales a loud breath and flops down on her fluffy white comforter.

  “You sure you don’t mind? I didn’t mean to hug you like that.”

  “It sounds fun, and I like Bolton. He makes me feel comfortable. I don’t know how I’ll be around a gang of strangers, but…”

  She laughs. “They’re hardly a gang. Just two or three others, depending on who shows up. They’re really nice, and they know I like sexy blond chicks, so…” She twirls her finger in her hair and lowers her chin, giving me a playful look.

  “And here I was thinking you were going to make this easy for me. You can’t look at me like that tonight. And no miniskirts, either. How about you wear body armor and keep your eyes averted the whole time?”

  “No promises…” Ashley stands and pulls me to my feet.

  “So…Where am I staying?” I look around, and it dawns on me that I didn’t see another bedroom down here.

  “What do you mean? Here with me, of course.”

  “Here? What about your parents?”

  “Dee. They know we’re a couple.” Her eyes go serious. “Oh God. I didn’t think you’d mind. I mean, my parents expected us to stay together. They know we’ve been staying together at Harborside.”

  I draw in a deep breath and sink back down to the bed, unsure of how I feel. “They already assume we’re staying in your room together and they still welcomed me so warmly.”

  “Why wouldn’t they?”

  I look up at her, and her eyes widen as understanding dawns on her. She sits beside me again.

  “Oh, Dee. I’m sorry. I guess I assumed too much. I thought you’d want to stay with me. My parents have never had an issue with my sexuality, and I’ve never brought a girlfriend home before, so when they heard I was bringing you, they were more than thrilled.” She looks around the room and wrinkles her brow, thinking.

  “You haven’t brought any other girlfriends home with you?”

  “Nope. They knew a girl I went out with in high school, but it’s not like she stayed over or anything.”

  “Aw, Ash. That makes me feel really special.”

  “Well, duh. You are really special.” She reaches for my hand. “But if it makes you uncomfortable, I can sleep in my dad’s office. The couch pulls out to a bed.”

  “No.” I shake my head and squeeze her hand to borrow some of her strength. “I’m okay. I don’t want to hide from your parents. They’re obviously not like my parents, and they seem supportive of you. Of us. What about Kenny?”

  “My mom and I already discussed Kenny.”

  I cover my face with my hands. “Oh my God. Really?”

  “Yes, really.” She pulls my hands down. “He probably won’t notice, or he’ll just think we’re having a sleepover. My mom doesn’t think it’s an issue at all.”

  “Okay, but I’m not fooling around with your parents right upstairs.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Whatever floats your boat, but you know you can’t keep your hands off of this...” She stands up, holds her hands above her head, and sways her hips seductively, then laughs.

  I don’t laugh, because she’s got that right.

  Chapter Sixteen

  ~Ashley~

  I THINK IT’S safe to say that my family is the best around, even Kenny and his boisterous personality and unfiltered comments. We’re almost done with dinner and my mom and dad have both acted as if nothing out of the ordinary is happening at our dinner table, when in fact it’s the first and only time I’ve had a girlfriend over. Delilah has laughed and smiled and talked like she’s hanging out with old friends, and that’s more than I could have hoped for.

  “Dinner was wonderful, Mrs. Carver. Thank you.”

  Mom waves again. “It was nothing, but thank you. I’m glad you liked it.”

  “Are you guys going out with Bolton tonight? He said you might go. Carly’s going, too. I love Carly. She’s so funny with all that hair. She looks like Carrothead.” Kenny stops only to inhale, and I cut him off.

  “Carrot Top, and how do you even know Carrot Top?” I ask.

  “The Internet. Duh.” He wipes his face on his sleeve.

  “Napkin,” Mom reminds him.

  “Why? I just wiped my mouth. Can I be excused?” He’s up on his feet before she can answer.

  “You have twenty minutes before your dress rehearsal,” she calls after him as he heads for the stairs. “Brush your teeth and hair and wash your hands, please.” She turns her attention back to us. “Are you going out with Bolton? It’ll be nice to see your friends again.”

  I glance at Delilah to see if she’s changed her mind and she nods, smiles.

  “Yeah, I guess we are.” I say it like it’s no big deal, but it’s another very big deal.

  Mom reaches her hand toward Delilah and presses it to the table beside Delilah’s.

  “Delilah, honey. Ashley told us about your parents. I’m so very sorry, and I just want you to know, I’m here.” She looks up at Dad, then back at Delilah. “We’re here. If you and—your brother, right? Wyatt?” She doesn’t wait for her to answer, and I’m not sure Delilah could respond if she wanted to. She looks like her throat has thickened. She’s swallowing hard, over and over. “If you need anything at all, just let us know. Or if you want to talk. I’m a great listener.”

  “Thank you.” Delilah reaches for my hand under the table.

  She laces our fingers together, and when she shifts her eyes to mine, they’re damp, but her lips curve into a slight smile. I’m sure she’s missing her mom.

  We help my mom clear the table, and I pull Delilah aside and ask again if she’s okay.

  “Yeah. Your mom is so sweet.”

  Mom comes out of the kitchen to retrieve more dishes, and Delilah carries the glasses in behind her. My father pulls me aside while they’re in the kitchen.

  “She seems really lovely, pumpkin, and she looks at you like you’re heaven and earth combined.” He hugs me close.

  I love that he can see the way she always makes me feel. I pick up a few plates and carry them into the kitchen, stopping at the entranceway when I hear Delilah thanking my mother.

  “I really appreciate what you said.”

  “Oh, sweetheart. I meant it.” My mother wipes her hands on a towel and turns, leaning her hip against the sink so she can face Delilah. “You don’t have to worry about anything while you’re here with us. You two seem happy together, and we couldn’t ask for anything more.” She pulls Delilah into a hug and spots me standing in the doorway, and smiles.

  I set the dishes on the counter and Delilah reaches for my hand.

  Reaches.

  For.

  My.

  Hand.

  Wow.

  M
om looks at the clock. “Oh dear. We have to take Kenny or he’ll be late for his rehearsal. Ash, you have your key to get in tonight?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay.” She hugs me, then hugs Delilah like it’s the most natural thing in the world. “I’m so glad you’re both here, but I’ve got to scoot.” She calls for Kenny and my dad as she leaves the kitchen.

  Delilah’s face lights up with excitement. “I love your mom. She’s so…real!” Her entire demeanor has changed. She’s as relaxed as she is in her house at Harborside.

  “I know. I’m lucky, aren’t I?”

  “Your dad, too. He’s like a big teddy bear.”

  “He pretty much raved about you, too.” I step closer, expecting her to step back, and when she doesn’t, I reach up and tuck a wayward strand of hair behind her ear.

  “He did?” I can hear the appreciation in her voice.

  “Yes, he did. I’m glad you came with me. I know it’s not easy, and I know how difficult tonight will be for you, so I just want you to know that I appreciate it. All of it. I appreciate you.”

  She touches her forehead to mine but doesn’t say a word. She doesn’t have to. Just like my dad saw her emotions, I feel them in everything she does.

  Chapter Seventeen

  ~Delilah~

  MARCO’S IS NOTHING like any club I’ve ever been to. It’s located in a warehouse, with a concrete floor and enormous screens hanging from the ceiling showing the band. There are no booths or other places to sit, only tall round-topped tables for setting drinks on while standing. Colorful spotlights illuminate the dance floor, which is basically the entire center of the warehouse. We’re standing at one of the round tables, and it’s so loud that it drowns out my nervousness.

  I offered to be the designated driver, primarily so that it would be easier for me to keep from dragging Ashley into the bathroom to make out, although I think my wanting to kiss her has less to do with alcohol and everything to do with Ashley. The way her eyes get dark and sensual when she looks at me and the way she checks on me, brushes her hand against my lower back, whispers in my ear.