Healed by Love (Love in Bloom: The Bradens) Read online

  He pulled open the door, mumbling under his breath, “This better be important.”

  Sam pushed past him, wearing the same clothes he’d worn last night, and headed for the living room. “You’re still asleep? Late night with Jewel?”

  Nate stalked to the kitchen and turned on the coffeemaker without answering. “What are you doing here at the ass crack of dawn?”

  “Just going home from the party Ty and I went to. I wanted to see if you hooked up with Jewel.”

  “Why do you care?” He grabbed two mugs from the cabinet.

  “Because I’m your older brother, and believe it or not, I give a shit about your well-being, and sleeping with Jewel is not going to sit well with your conscience.”

  “Says the man who did God knows what last night.” He watched the coffee drip and wondered how he’d drink it through clenched teeth. There were two very distinct sides to Sam. The wild, edgy side that didn’t give a shit what anyone thought of him and the more sensitive side that he rarely allowed others to see, and that was almost always present when he was in protective big-brother mode, as he was now.

  Sam rose to his feet and stood across the counter from Nate. “My conscience is different from yours. You’re a war hero, remember?” The pride in Sam’s eyes was indisputable.

  “Fuck you. You think I want to be a war hero?”

  Sam crossed his arms over his broad chest and tilted his head back, then leveled his listen-carefully-to-your-older-brother gaze on Nate.

  “You’re also carrying around a load of guilt over Rick’s death. I don’t think you’ll be able to look yourself in the mirror after sleeping with Jewel if you don’t come clean.”

  Nate filled the cups with coffee and slid one across the counter. “Fuck. Off.”

  “Think about it, Nate. You may not want to be a war hero, but you sure as hell want to be Jewel’s hero.”

  “Hero my ass, Sam. Do you think I want to be a fucking hero? Don’t you think I wish I was the one to die out there by that goddamn sniper? I’d give anything to bring Rick back.”

  Sam lowered his voice and spoke in a calm, even tone. “It doesn’t matter if you want to be a hero or not. You are, and everyone’s damn proud of you. I get that you wish you died, Nate. Every time I look at you I know you wish you could switch places with Rick.” His voice escalated. “But wake the fuck up. You’re my brother, man. My blood. So selfishly, I’m happy you’re still here, but it kills me—it kills all of us—to know that while you survived, you’re not going to live your life. I love you, Nate. We all love you. But you survived, Nate. Now it’s time to live.”

  Nate bit back the emotions that burned in his chest. He’d already made the decision to talk to Jewel, but that didn’t make it an easy thing to do. She might kick him to the curb, and then what?

  “Everyone knows you’ve loved Jewel forever. That’s no secret to anyone in Peaceful Harbor.”

  “Bullshit.” Peaceful Harbor wasn’t like Trusty, Colorado, the small town where his cousins lived, where rumors spread faster than colds. How could anyone know his feelings when he’d been gone most of the last six years?

  Sam shrugged and sipped his coffee, as if they were discussing the weather. “What kind of hero keeps a secret from the woman he loves?”

  Nate reached over the counter and grabbed Sam’s collar, yanking him halfway across it. Sam held his challenging stare.

  “Go ahead, little brother. Pound the shit out of me. You’ll still have that monkey on your back when you’re done.”

  Every muscle in Nate’s body was coiled tight, ready to fight. Sam’s eyes held no fear—they never did. That pissed Nate off even more. He shoved Sam backward and slammed his fist down on the counter.

  “Get the hell out of here.”

  Sam smoothed his shirt, then came around the counter and casually set his cup in the sink. “Listen, Nate. I’m a scoundrel, but you? You’re a good man, and you’re every bit good enough, man enough, and hero enough for Jewel. But it’s more than that, Nate. You deserve to have a clear conscience.” He patted Nate’s shoulder.

  Nate bristled, fighting the urge to pull away. He wasn’t pissed at Sam, but there was no running from the man in the mirror.

  Chapter Ten

  JEWEL SET THE Cheerios on the table next to Taylor’s bowl and pulled toast out of the toaster oven for Patrick. It was the only thing he’d eat for breakfast anymore. Thank goodness her ankle was better, because she could not whip around this kitchen and cater to her siblings with a hurt ankle. She was finishing up packing lunches when Krissy breezed into the kitchen in a black miniskirt that barely covered her ass and a pink tank top. She tugged open the refrigerator.

  “New pajamas? Because you’re not going to school in that.” Jewel didn’t turn away from the eggs she was making just in case she could get Patrick to actually eat real food.

  “Ha-ha. I borrowed this from Stacy.” Krissy’s tone reminded Jewel of the snotty girls in the movie Mean Girls.

  “First of all, what’s with the attitude?”

  Krissy poured a glass of orange juice, pointedly ignoring Jewel’s question.

  “Krista Fisher, you are not wearing that out of this house. Mom would have a heart attack.” She turned off the stove and slid the eggs onto a plate as Taylor came into the kitchen on the tail end of a yawn.

  “Hi,” Taylor said as she sat at the table and poured her cereal.

  “Morning, Tay.” Jewel joined Krissy by the fridge. “Krissy, what’s going on? This”—she waved at her sister’s outfit—“this isn’t you.”

  Krissy rolled her eyes.

  “I’m sorry, honey, but you can’t wear that. It makes you look like a mini prostitute.”

  Krissy slammed her glass down on the counter. “God, Jewel. Just because you don’t have a life doesn’t mean I can’t. How will I ever get Tray’s attention if I dress like a baby?”

  So that was what this was all about. “First of all, you don’t dress like a baby. Second of all, if the way to get his attention is by looking like you’ll give away your body, then he’s not worth it. And third of all…” Krissy’s wardrobe did need a little updating, but not from tween to twerker overnight. “Okay, fine. Maybe you could use a few updated outfits. Have you asked Mom?”

  Krissy sighed. “Like she has time? She said she can take me in two weeks, but there’s a dance next weekend and I really want Tray to ask me to go with him.”

  Jewel mentally ran through her schedule as Patrick sauntered in from the living room looking like he’d just rolled out of bed. His blond hair was sticking up all over, his shirt and jeans were wrinkled, and he was barefoot. He lifted his eyes to Jewel, then turned on his heels and walked out of the kitchen as Nate knocked on the kitchen door. Lovely. Right in the thick of it. Welcome to my life.

  “It’s Nate!” Taylor ran to the door and pulled it open. “Nate!” She reached for him and Nate lifted her into his arms.

  Did he pick up everyone? Jewel had to admit, seeing Nate hold Tay warmed her heart.

  She smiled at Nate. Well, she tried, as Taylor pried Nate for information. How long are you home? Did you get any more medals? Did you miss us? Sometimes Jewel wondered if Taylor thought Nate was one of her brothers.

  Jewel turned her attention back to Krissy. “I can take you. I work late today, and you have dance tomorrow. We’re going out with Nate Wednesday for canoe rides. How about Friday?”

  Krissy crossed her arms again. “Friday?”

  “Friday,” Jewel confirmed.

  “Fine.” Krissy headed for the table, and Jewel touched her arm.

  “Only if you change out of that.” She eyed the skirt. “The top is okay, I guess.”

  “Fine,” Krissy huffed as she left the kitchen.

  Nate settled a hand on Jewel’s hip and leaned in for a kiss. Jewel eyed Taylor and leaned out of his reach. She turned her back to Taylor and whispered, “I haven’t told them yet.” This wasn’t a conversation Jewel wanted to have this morning, but Nate l
ooked confused by her withdrawal. She couldn’t leave the concern hanging between them.

  “Are we a secret?” he whispered.

  “You’re the one who’s on the fence about us. Why would you want to introduce a relationship that you might want to back away from to kids who have already lost so much?”

  Nate took a step back, his expression grave. “It’s not us I’m on the fence about, but you’re right. You’re absolutely right. I’m sorry.”

  “I’m sorry, Nate, but thank you for understanding. Mornings are a little chaotic around here, and I just don’t want to put a hitch in things today.” She checked the time and realized they needed to leave. “Thank you for coming to get the kids. My ankle is better, so I can take them.”

  “Nah, I promised, and Tay seems excited. Why don’t I take them, and then we can swap cars tonight.” He reached out and touched her elbow. “I’m sorry.”

  Sorry because you can’t commit or sorry because you realize you shouldn’t?

  She pushed away the upsetting thought and forced a smile. “Let me get the kids. Patrick didn’t eat his eggs and toast if you want it.” Jewel handed him the plate, then turned to Taylor. “Tay. Shoes, backpack, and don’t forget your lunch.”

  After Taylor left the kitchen Nate pulled Jewel into a hug. “I’m sorry I was insensitive about the kids. Are we okay? Are you okay?”

  She went up on her tiptoes and kissed the dimple in his chin. “I think so. I’m worried, but mostly about you.”

  He leaned in close. “Don’t be.”

  “God, really?” Patrick spat as he came into the kitchen.

  Shit! Jewel pulled out of Nate’s arms. “It’s not what it looks like.”

  Patrick rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

  Jewel closed her eyes for a beat. She did not need to fight with Patrick this morning. She handed Patrick his lunch.

  “Ready to go, buddy?” Nate asked.

  “Backpack,” Jewel said to Patrick. “Tell Krissy and Tay to hurry, please.”

  “Krissy, Taylor! Let’s go,” Patrick yelled as he climbed the stairs.

  Jewel sighed as Nate wrapped his arms around her from behind, obviously taking advantage of the childless moment. She closed her eyes and reveled in his touch for a moment before he said, “Can we talk later?”

  She turned to him, then thought better of it and took a step back, anticipating the kids coming back in. “I’m working until nine.”

  “Can I see you afterward? We need to swap vehicles anyway.”

  As if he needed an excuse? “Of course. Want me to come by your place when I finish work?”

  “Better?” Krissy stood with her hands on her hips. She wore cute white shorts, the pink tank she’d had on, and a pair of pink flip-flops.

  “Much.” Jewel felt her shoulders sink in relief.

  Patrick came in with his backpack over one shoulder and Tay in tow.

  “I get shotgun!” Krissy grabbed her lunch and backpack and tore out the kitchen door.

  “Shit,” Patrick mumbled.

  “Hey. Language,” Jewel said.

  “Bye, Jewel,” Tay said as she shoved her lunch bag into her backpack.

  “My place,” Nate said, and blew Jewel a secret kiss when Tay wasn’t looking.

  She watched them out the window and wondered how Patrick and Krissy could be all smiles with Nate but attitude and grunts when they were at home. She’d never had the privilege of being a snotty teen, and she knew she couldn’t hold it against Patrick or Krissy when they were doing what she’d always hoped they would—behaving like typical teenagers. She cleared the dishes from the table, smiling and thankful that at least she was doing something right.

  Chapter Eleven

  NATE SAT OUTSIDE the office building where Anita Fisher worked, debating turning around and following the highway right out of Peaceful Harbor and never looking back. But he could no sooner do that than he could keep this guilt bottled up inside him. He’d nearly told Jewel about giving Rick the order last night, but that wouldn’t have been fair to her mother. Her mother had a right to tell Nate to stay away from her daughter if what he revealed to her felt like a betrayal. He promised Rick he’d protect his family. He owed him, and them, this much.

  He pulled his wallet from his pocket and opened it to the picture of him and Rick. He held it up over the steering wheel and swallowed against the lump filling his throat. Tears burned his eyes as he slid his gaze to the photograph of Jewel beside it, which made his chest tighten on top of the other overwhelming emotions.

  He forced himself to focus on Rick and realized he’d been spending most of the last few days forcing his thoughts away from Jewel, when what he really wanted was to be the center of her world.

  He stared into his best friend’s eyes in the tattered picture in the wallet and spoke past the lump in his throat.

  “I thought you were safe. I would have gone myself if I thought I’d lose you. But now I’m stuck, man. Sammy’s right. If I don’t tell Jewel, I’ll never be able to love her the way she deserves. And if I walk away, I’ll never be able to move on without her.” He lowered his forehead to the steering wheel and fisted his hands.

  Man the fuck up and get in there. It was Rick’s voice he heard in his head.

  How many times had they said that to each other, whether they were talking about approaching girls, taking final exams, or all kinds of shit overseas?

  Nate slammed his head back against the headrest once, twice, three times, and groaned. He saw Jewel’s mother walk out of the office building toward her car. She stopped cold at the sight of him in Jewel’s Jeep. Nate forced himself to step from the vehicle.

  “Hi,” he said.

  “Nate.” She pressed her hand over her heart. “I saw a man in the Jeep, and for a minute I thought…” She looked away.

  Shit. It was Rick’s Jeep. He hadn’t thought of that.

  “I’m sorry. Jewel has my truck because of her ankle.”

  She opened her arms, and he stepped into her embrace, his throat thickening uncomfortably again.

  “It’s good to see you. I was wondering when you’d have time to visit. I’m sure you’re busy settling in.”

  She was so nice to him. He hated knowing he was going to hurt her with what he had to say. “Sorry it took me a week to stop by. Do you think we could go someplace to talk for a few minutes?”

  She looked at her watch. “Sure. I have a class in thirty minutes. Want to go next door to the coffee shop?”

  No. I want to go to a dark place where you can’t see my face while I’m spilling my guts. “Sure. That works.”

  They sat outside on the nearly empty patio. Anita was an attractive woman. She didn’t look like a woman who had been to hell and back—twice. She somehow managed to hide her devastation from the world. He didn’t know how she did it, and he worried that his confession might be the straw that broke the camel’s back.

  “Nate, you look troubled. Are you okay?”

  He tried to smile, but he couldn’t force it. His stomach felt like one big knot. “Mrs. F, you’re like family to me.”

  Her eyes warmed as she said, “You are to us, as well, Nate.”

  “I’m not sure where to start, but I think you need to know that I am in love with Jewel.” Where the hell had that come from? That wasn’t what he was there to say.

  She smiled. “I’ve known that for a long time, Nate. It’s good to know that you know it, too.”

  “You have?” He thought Sam had been talking shit, but now he wondered what else he’d been blind to.

  “Nate. Honey. There’s a certain way a man looks at a woman when he’s in love, and you’ve looked at my daughter that way for a very long time.” She sipped her coffee and shifted her eyes away. “I thought it was a schoolboy crush, but you’ve always been so careful with her. After my husband died, you were better with Jewel than I was. You took time to really listen and to talk with her when I couldn’t have done it without falling to pieces, and after Rick…”<
br />
  She paused, a deep vee forming between her thin brows. “Oh, honey. Is that why you’re here? Because of Rick?”

  Nate shifted his eyes away, trying to gain control of his emotions, but there was no denying the sadness eating away at his gut.

  “Yes. I should have come to you two years ago, but I didn’t have the courage to do it.”

  “Nate, are you worried about what Rick would think of you and Jewel?”

  He shook his head. “That’s not why I’m here.”

  He looked around, glad that no one else was in earshot. He felt like he was drowning in guilt, and the longer he waited, the further he sank below the surface.

  “I…” He sucked in a jagged breath.

  Man up and tell her. Rick’s voice rattled his nerves, and the truth tumbled out.

  “I was the one who sent Rick on the supply run when he got killed.” Tears sprang from his eyes. He gritted his teeth as warm streams ran down his cheeks. “It was supposed to be a routine run. It was supposed to be safe. Guys had done it hundreds of times. I thought he was safe. I thought he wa—” Sobs stole his voice. He swiped at his eyes, willing himself to sit up straight and hold her gaze. He was a soldier, damn it, but there wasn’t enough training in the world to prepare him for his grief over losing his best friend and this woman’s son. He deserved every hateful thing she had to say.

  “Oh, Nate,” she said just above a whisper. Her brow wrinkled as tears spilled from her eyes.

  “I’m so sorry. I should have come to you two years ago. I tried, but…” He shook his head.

  “Honey, you’ve carried that around for all this time? You poor man.” She moved to the chair beside him and folded him in her arms.

  Nate soaked up her comfort. Maybe he shouldn’t have. Maybe he should have pushed away. It might have made him weak, but he loved Rick’s entire family, and Rick’s mother had always been like a second mother to him. He needed her comfort. Even if, in her next breath, she told him that she never wanted to see him again, he needed to be selfish for a second in order to survive.