Come Back To Me Read online

***

  “Louie’s on line three again,” Alice’s voice sprang from the speakerphone.

  “Tell him I’m busy,” Tess said.

  “I’ve told him that the last million times. You can’t avoid him forever,” she said.

  “Watch me,” Tess said. She clicked off the speakerphone and returned to her files. It had been over two weeks since she’d kissed Louie, and one day less since she’d told him it was a mistake. Then why was she still thinking about it? Why could she still taste him on her lips when the lights were out? Why did she wait by the phone last Sunday for his call, and then ignore it when it finally came? What was she doing?

  Alice stood in her doorway, her white, pristine slacks crossed at the ankle, her perfectly-pressed silk blouse open almost to her navel, lying flawless across her svelte figure, and the question Tess had just asked herself rolling off her lips.

  “God, Alice, leave it alone.”

  “Tess, he’s a good guy. He could mean business for you.” She moved to the chair across from Tess. “Besides, in your…condition—”

  “He could mean trouble for me,” she retorted.

  “Trouble? Because you guys ride bikes together?” Alice smirked. “I don’t think so. I was thinking security.”

  Tess sighed, “You wouldn’t understand. Never mind.” She sank back into the plush leather chair and tossed her pen onto the desk. “Tell me about your latest conquest. Give me something else to think about.”

  Alice rubbed the bruise she’d hidden under the sleeve of her blouse. “Nothing special.” Her eyes lit up, “What aren’t you telling me?”

  “Nothing!” Tess lied.

  “O-kay,” Alice said. “Well, there’s a Halloween party Kevin’s going to. He wants us to come—some bigwig in D.C. Whaddaya say? Wanna go with me?”

  “No thanks,” Tess said.

  Alice had expected as much. “Come on, I wanna go, but I can’t go alone. Besides, you can’t wallow alone in that house forever.”

  Tess lifted her eyebrows as if to say, Drop it.

  “Please?” Alice begged. “I won’t bug you about Louie anymore. Promise.”

  “Promise?” Tess asked. She put her hand on her belly. “I don’t know. It seems wrong.”

  Alice rolled her eyes. “Even pregnant women go to parties, Tess—and yes, I promise.”

  “And we’ll be home by ten-thirty?” Tess added.

  “Midnight.”

  “Eleven.”

  “Okay, okay, eleven-thirty,” Alice stood. “By the way, you’re Cuddy, from that show, ‘House’.” She walked out of the room before Tess could protest.

  ***

  It was easy for Tess to convince herself that she was going to a business meeting rather than a party dressed as Cuddy in a tight, cleavage-bearing business suit. Her hair had grown to her shoulders and she was wearing it parted in the middle. The button on her skirt pulled against her burgeoning baby bump. She buttoned the jacket, covering the straining fabric. Oh yeah, she thought. I could rock this look for about an hour. I’d be home by ten, easy.

  She found the location of the party easily, she simply followed every other person dressed in costume. It seemed the entire northwest section of D.C. was headed to the party. Who is this guy, anyway, she wondered. The house was immaculate, a three-level townhome, easily worth over a million. The scent of marijuana drifted out from underneath a closed door. Great, pregnant woman arrested for smoking pot. Tess hurried toward the back, marveling at the elegance: mahogany floors, wrought-iron banisters, stone columns. She moved around Raggedy Ann and Andy and was about to tap the Tin Man on the shoulder to move around him when a very handsome Dr. House appeared before her.

  “Cuddy!” Kevin took Tess into his arms. “I’ve been looking for you!” His breath reeked of alcohol.

  “Where’s Alice?” she asked, pulling the top of her jacket across her newly rounded bosom.

  “Thirteen? I dunno,” he slurred.

  “Great,” Tess mumbled, wishing she’d stayed home.

  Princess Leah tugged Dr. House away, leaving Tess looking more like an out-of-place businesswoman than a television star.

  “Cuddy, come on!” Kevin called over the princess’s shoulder.

  The clanking of glasses, laughter, and bits of random conversation filled the air. Tess squeezed through the crowd, heading toward the kitchen. She turned from the hall into the living room, stopping dead in her tracks. His thick dark hair was the first thing to catch her attention, followed by his height. He stood with Kevin, watching him, as he always had. Of course, Tess thought. This was all planned. She swallowed hard, nervously twisting her wedding band on her finger. She tried to walk toward him, but her legs failed to move. Her voice stuck in her throat. He turned in the other direction, his camouflage shirt stretched tight against his back. Why wasn’t he looking for her? How did he get last year’s Halloween costume without her seeing him in the attic? Kevin, the key. The din of the party fell away, leaving her in a trancelike state.

  “I thought you weren’t going to come!” Alice sidled up to Tess.

  Tess stared straight ahead, unable to believe that he was finally back.

  “I brought a friend,” Alice continued, and pointed to a matador in full regalia. “Tess?” Alice followed Tess’s gaze. “Kevin looks great, doesn’t he?”

  “Beau,” was all Tess could manage.

  Confused, Alice looked around. After a second, she realized Tess’s mistake.

  “Tess, that’s not Beau,” she put her hand on Tess’s shoulder.

  Tess shrugged her off and moved toward him. She reached for his arm, grazing the side of his sleeve as he turned toward her. He smiled, a broad, surprised showing of perfect white teeth. The blood drained from Tess’s face. She stumbled backward, turned, and ran down the stairs and out of the house. Louie was close behind.

  Chapter Eleven

  Beau took one last look at the pocket watch and looped it around the belt hoop of Abdul Hadi’s pants that he now wore, dropping the watch itself into the pocket. Abdul Hadi had instructed him to leave his American clothing behind. Beau’s longer hair and scruffy face provided a modicum of disguise. He glanced back at where the hidden dwelling had been—the sand freshly turned, marking the outline of where sticks had been pounded into the ground, the center flattened, a footprint of where their camp had been. The surrounding dunes lurked behind them with ledges chopped into their darkened walls, an evil villain with a secret. He couldn’t fathom that he’d remained in the tiny enclosure for so many weeks. In the past, he’d have been looking for the best angle, the right lighting, now he yearned only to get home safely, to hold Tess in his arms, and to feel her gentle touch on his face.

  They made their way in the dark, Suha and Abdul Hadi leading the group, Zeid silently plodding behind them. Edham kept pace next to Beau. He tugged on Beau’s sleeve and nodded toward his mother, who struggled to keep up with Athra in her arms.

  Beau reached for Athra. Samira held tight. Athra leaned toward Beau, taking the decision out of her mother’s hands. Athra laid her head on Beau’s shoulder and closed her eyes. Time disappeared for Beau. He no longer thought in terms of days, but rather in events: when he healed enough to travel, when they reach the next camp. He noticed Samira’s shawl had pulled loose from her face, leaving the lower half of her face exposed to the sun. Her lips had already begun to chap, the skin stretched tight. Beau gently pulled the shawl up.

  She glanced at him shyly, a smile in her eyes.

  Zeid moved between Beau and his mother.

  Abdul Hadi had the strength of a camel, carrying their supply of water and much of the rolled bedding. It looked as though he were hiding a small person within the confines of the bundle. He walked with ease across the dense sand, as if he were used to carrying such weight.

  When the children could move no longer, they moved in the direction of the river and made camp. Samira and Suha bathed the children as best they could, filled water bottles, and helped Beau and Abdul Had
i prepare a tent made from the same dust-battered sheets they’d used before. Dirt caked the sheets, strengthening them like strong starch as they stretched the sheet between four tee-peed sticks on either end.

  Suha pushed medication into Beau’s hand, curling his fingers around the small pills.

  “I’m fine,” he lied.

  Suha shook her head. “Jameel, take them,” she said in a maternal fashion and handed him a bottle of water. Her body hunched forward, her eyes heavy.

  Beau recognized the fatigue she worked so hard to disguise. His own pain had become almost unbearable. He swallowed the pills and remained outside the tent to suffer in silence. The light of dawn threatened, pinks and grays clawing their fingers across the horizon. He stretched his limbs on the hard sand, rubbing the ache from his leg and hip.

  Samira appeared next to Beau, squatting on her heels.

  “Sleep,” Beau whispered.

  Samira shook her head. She pointed to his leg. “I help,” she said, uncomfortably. “I help Safaa,” she explained, “when he fell, in army. His leg—” she grit her teeth and scrunched her face, as if in pain. “I make better,” she moved her fingers in a deliberate motion.

  Beau looked toward the tent, afraid Abdul Hadi might get the wrong impression.

  “I help,” she said again and began kneading the area just above his knee.

  Beau put his head back in relief, sighing in spite of his worries.

  “You hurt, yes?” Samira asked.

  Beau nodded, glancing inside the tent, every muscle taut.

  Her hands worked on his pain, massaging their way up the side of his leg in a methodical, practiced fashion. She looked at his leg as if it were inanimate and kneaded with determination, not seduction. Beau could not ignore the heated sensation that grew within him. He laid his hand on hers, stopping her movement.

  She stared into his eyes.

  He placed her small hand on her own leg.

  “No help?” she asked.

  Beau laughed. “It helps, yes. Sleep,” he said and closed his eyes, pretending to sleep.

  Samira returned to the tent, her head bent in disgrace.

  Beau opened his eyes. He hadn’t meant to make her feel ashamed. He reached out and touched her back. “You did nothing wrong. Thank you. It helped.”

  Samira ducked inside the small tent.

  Beau removed the photo from his pocket and stared into Tess’s eyes. As the sun peeked above the horizon, he fell asleep, the photograph clenched in the palm of his hand.

  Chapter Twelve

  The cold air whipped against Tess’s cheeks as she ran awkwardly down the unfamiliar street, the cacophony of the costumed revelers falling away behind her.

  “Tess! Wait!” Louie called.

  His footsteps were fast approaching. Tess crossed her hands over her stomach and pushed herself to run faster, catching her heel in the crack of a sidewalk and stumbling forward.

  Louie grabbed her arm before she fell to the ground. “Tess,” he pleaded, “I didn’t know you would be here.”

  “Why are you dressed like that?” Tears ran down her cheeks.

  Louie looked down at his clothes. “My costume? My friend’s in the army. I borrowed it.”

  “You knew!” she yelled. “Did Kevin put you up to this? Alice? Did they give you Beau’s costume from last year?”

  Only then making the connection, Louie said, “Oh, my God, I’m sorry. I didn’t th—. It was all I had. I was invited at the last minute, and I had no costume. It’s a friend’s.”

  Tess ripped her arm from his grip and huffed away toward a park at the end of the road.

  “Tess, wait,” he pleaded. “I promise. I didn’t even know you’d be here.”

  “Whatever,” she said. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Why are you even mad at me? You don’t return my calls, you haven’t spoken to me since we kissed—”

  The night was busy with trick-or-treaters, and though Tess knew they were too busy with their costumes and candy to think about the lady running through the park, she slowed her pace and walked hurriedly toward a bench where she plunked herself down and swiped at beads of sweat along her brow.

  Louie caught up to her and knelt down before her. He put his hands on her knees, the look in his eyes a mix of confusion and concern.

  She pushed at his hands, the weight of his touch frustrating her.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  She let go of his hands and wiped her eyes, though the flow of tears did not cease. “No,” she shook her head.

  He sat next to her on the bench. “What can I do?”

  She turned away. “Nothing. It’s just,” she turned toward him again and motioned toward his clothing, “I thought, when I saw you, I thought you were him.” She closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she feigned a smile. “I thought you were Beau. I thought—” suddenly she was sobbing again.

  Louie brushed her hair from her face, sending a shiver down Tess’s spine. He put his arm around her back, pulling her into an embrace.

  “Tess!” Alice’s voice rang through the air, the quick tap of heels on concrete followed.

  Tess pulled back from Louie and stood, smoothing down her skirt. She wiped her eyes as Alice appeared.

  “Thank God!” Alice said. She shot Louie a look of contempt. “What’s wrong? What did you do to her?”

  Louie stood, hands splayed in front of his chest. “I didn’t do a thing,” he said.

  “Right. That’s why she avoids your calls and flees the party the second she sees you!”

  Tess wiped her eyes again. “Al, it’s not like that,” she said.

  “Right, Tess. I know you. What’d he do to you?” She turned toward Louie, “So help me, if you hurt her—”

  “Settle down, Tomb Raider. I didn’t do anything more than wear military clothing. She’s having a hard time right now, remember?” His eyes flashed a plea for leniency.

  Tess settled herself back down on the bench, her head once again in her hands. “He’s right, Alice. It’s not him. It’s me.”

  “I’ll leave you girls alone,” Louie said, then hesitated in front of Tess. “If you need me, you know how to reach me.”

  Alice watched Louie walk briskly away from them before turning back to Tess.

  “What the hell?” Alice asked. “What’s going on that you’re not telling me, Tess?”

  “I thought he was Beau. The clothes, his hair, I don’t know. I thought,” she looked up at Alice, her eyes streaked red, “I thought you and Kevin set this up. When I saw him? I thought…”

  Alice leaned back against the bench. “Oh, my God, Tess. I’m sorry. I thought you’d made great strides. I thought you accepted that Beau was dea—not coming back.” Her voice was more frustrated than soothing.

  Ugh! Tess stood and began walking toward her car. Alice followed, apologizing, asking Tess if she understood that Beau wasn’t coming back, and peppering her with questions about Louie. Tess didn’t say a word until she reached her car and unlocked the door. “I don’t know, okay, Alice? I don’t know what the hell is going on anymore.”

  Alice climbed into the passenger seat, uninvited. Tess glared.

  “I’m coming with you.”

  “Where?” Tess snapped.

  “Wherever you’re going. You’re not fit to be alone.”

  “I’m going home.” Tess stared at the road as she started the car.

  “I’m worried about you, Tess. You’re living in some alternate world, someplace that doesn’t exist, someplace where Beau’s death didn’t really happen.”

  Tess let her forehead fall to the steering wheel and rest there. She held the wheel with both hands and gently banged her head against it.

  “I get it, okay? I know he’s gone, but I can’t help it. I feel like he’s not really…dead.” The word was like a knife in her heart. She gasped a breath. “I feel like I’d know if he was, so I’m stuck. I’m fucking stuck! I can’t move forward, because what if I do, and h
e suddenly shows up? And I can’t stand still, because life doesn’t stand fucking still.” She stared at the road before her, as if the answer would appear in the asphalt.

  Iraq

  The sun beat down on Beau. He was lying on a beach next to Tess; her presence as real as the sun that warmed his face. A cloud crawled in front of the sun, stealing the warmth it spread. He lay listening to her faint breaths. She ran her finger along his arm.

  Beau turned to face her and opened his eyes. Reality, shadowed by disappointment set in. Damn, he thought.

  Samira touched his arm again.

  “I cover you,” she said, pointing to the sun.

  Beau groaned as he stood. Every muscle in his body ached. Sand had settled in his nostrils and ears. His eyebrows were thick with the tiny, rough crystals. He wiped them away with his dry fingers—coarse sand had become caked beneath his fingernails in thick dark lines.

  “Hurt?” she asked in a shy voice.

  “No,” Beau lied. “I’m okay.” A dream. Goddamn it.

  Suha and Abdul Hadi studied the map while the children rolled the bedding. Beau limped toward the adults, noticing, for the first time, the stale smell of baked canvas.

  “Medicine?” Suha asked.

  Beau nodded. He kneeled by Abdul Hadi, ignoring the searing pain in his leg.

  “We are very exposed,” Abdul Hadi explained. “We must move.”

  ***

  Suha advised the children of their responsibilities: they must remain compliant if they were to live, they must respect their mother, and, of course, Abdul Hadi, their savior. The children did not speak for the first few hours of the grueling walk through the arid desert, flat to the horizon. Fear and fatigue had a way of stealing one’s voice.

  Suha spoke in hushed tones, walking so close to Beau that their shoulders almost touched. He limped with pain, she with age. “Bringing shame to one’s family,” she said.

  “Who does these honor killings?” Beau asked, trying to hide his disgust.

  “Family members. If a woman dishonors her family, another family member must take her life. I worried, of these killings. I worried for Samira,” she glanced toward Samira, who walked with her head down. “She did nothing to dishonor Safaa, Safaa say different. He accuse her of dishonor.”